2013.09.28 - TV Parenting And The Consequences

There's a dude on a roof. He's dressed in a one-piece utility outfit, big rubber boots, with a tool belt, radio, etc. Sitting near him is a tool box and some other equipment befitting of someone who has business working on cables on a rooftop. However, it quickly becomes apparent that he's not entirely... Stable.

"People spend HOURS sitting in front of their televisions. They're ADDICTED to them." the man begins. "We can't go without them! We even have to have our Tee-Vee on the go! Even our phones are televisions now. Our computers! If we can't watch TV when we want to, we use devices to save it for later! Why? Because TELEVISION is our IMAGINATION given FORM!" The man lifts a cable off the rooftop and waves it around limply. "Sci-fi, fantasy, sports, reality TV, ADULT PROGRAMMING--" he does an utterly ridiculous pelvic thrust. "--even the news and the weather! Commercials! Animated shows! All the great works of mankind gathered in one place, accessible with the touch of a button! It doesn't matter if you're watching the lives of people who never existed or those of people going through a war or bickering on a talk show about their petty problems! You're still enraptured! You still tune in at the same Bat Time on the same Bat Channel to find out WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WEEK! You can't go without it! No one can!"

Then the man with his floofy hair, the wind blowing it every which way and tugging at his jumper, turns to look up at the tall blonde hovering in the air above him. "So come on, Power Girl. I'm the Cable Guy. Come on down, and let me hook you up!" Then he holds up the two cables in his hands and electricity jumps between them back and forth -- electricity of a strange, multi-colored hue.

Power Girl was on her way to find Supergirl, at Titans Tower, when she got side-tracked by the electrical disturbances up here. See, she has a new costume and she wanted to show it to her 'sister'. This new one covers a lot more than the old one did. She had Kryptonian armor fabricated using the nanotechnology of Starrware Laboratories -- it should give her extra protection. The fact her costume no longer has a huge hole right in the middle of her chest anymore may disappoint some people, but them's the breaks. Either way, Larry the Cable Guy over here is looked down upon, with Power Girl's red and gold cape fluttering wildly in the strong winds. She is unimpressed, and says, "I have a better idea. How about you put those down, and you go home and watch television? No fuss, no bother." Pause. "Besides, I already have cable." The Cable Guy seems to think about this for a bit, making a number of comical introspective faces before moving his head around in a circle like he's rolling his neck and ending with a head-banging-like maneuver as he yells, "Nope!" Then he aims a cable at Power Girl and unleashes a massive bolt of that weird multi-colored electricity.

She dodges by flying out of the way, but the way it streaks everywhere may be a problem. And she's not sure it's even really electricity. Sigh. Why don't they ever take the easy way?

Speaking of television... Kara was watching that right now, flicking through the enormous monitor in the Titan's common room, complaining in her head that nothing was on. All the other people were currently out of the Tower, so she was just lounging around in an over-long t-shirt and a pair of short-shorts, chowing down on Cool Ranch Doritos (tm) (Yay for product placement.) and sprawled out all over the sofa. She changes channels yet again, surfing through the usual crap on NBC, TBS, HBO, AMC, slowly rubbing her bare feet against the soft microfiber of the couch.

That's when a tiny Titan's warning beeps on her communicator. Yellow alert, nothing major, just something out of the ordinary had been picked up. She flicks open the device and finds that there's some kind of weird electrical discharge going on. Well, nothing else to do...

Seconds later Supergirl is streaking through the sky away from the tower, outfitted in her protective Kryptonian suit that protected everything except her hands, thighs, and most of her butt. That's when she spots Power Girl, dodging some kind of... electricity? Why wasn't she just tanking it and eye-lasering this loser, who seemed to be doing not much more than waving two cables around that can apparently shoot stuff.

Kara pulls up short, almost a block away, using her telescopic vision to zoom in on the cables... and then tries to sever them both with heat vision, keeping it in the invisible spectrum to make it harder to detect what that flying blonde teenager way over there is doing.

Because no one hurt Kara's tiny family of Kryptonians on her watch!

There's a very good reason why Power Girl isn't tanking it. It's weird energy she doesn't know the exact properties of, and she doesn't necessarily know she can take it. Being invulnerable tends to give one an over-inflated sense of one's own invulnerability. ...However that works. Sure, maybe she CAN take the hit, but if she doesn't need to, why bother finding out? Heat visioning the cables was probably in the game plan, but zapping the person himself, who -- based on all the sensory information she can gather -- is just a normal human of some kind would be a bit much at this juncture. Thankfully Supergirl shows up just in time, so the older of the two Kryptonians just keeps dodging to keep the Cable Guy's attention on her while the cables are burnt through.

The Cable Guy looks down in surprise at the pieces he's holding come off in his hands, and looks down at the smell of something burning. Then a blast of cowboys, kids having card games on motorcycles, a commercial for 'Cross Fire' from the 80s, the music video for 'Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence, BILLY MAYES here to tell you about OXY-CLEAN from BEYOND THE GRAVE while SHOUTING EVERY few WORDS, the Raiders vs. the Dallas Cowboys, something about Genosha no one cares about, and an episode of an anime with an obnoxious ninja in an day-glo orange jumpsuit, among like billions of other things all come bursting out of the severed cables in the form of multi-colored electricity that shoots EVERYWHERE, forcing more dodging from the superheroine.

Cable Guy is shocked, sizzling, sparking, smoking, writhing, as all his childhood years of having a television raise him instead of caring parents, an adult life spent giving other people TV and fixing their cable issues -- just another utility worker -- never really having any friends, close acquaintances, or anyone else to care about him... All of that leaves his mind to be replaced with the sheer bliss of escaping into the world of television, where everything is exciting, dramatic, and every life has meaning...

And then the device that was allowing him to shoot his 'television beams' burns out on the belt at his back, and he falls backwards with a wide smile on his face and glassy eyes.

Power Girl pauses for a moment, spares a glance towards Supergirl, and then WHOOSHes down to join the cooked man on the roof. She makes sure to cautiously get the equipment off of him without touching it directly, and then checks his pulse. A breath she hadn't realized she was holding is let out. He's still alive, but he's not in very good condition. "...At least he's not shooting Ancient Aliens at me anymore. But he's going to need medical attention." Power Girl also eyes the strange black box that was the source of those weird energy bolts. "Thanks for showing up when you did, Supergirl." She looks up at the younger Kryptonian with a smile. "Think you could call an ambulance?"

Well that was... remarkably easier that she had expected. But then again, most crimes were. Supervillains, especially dangerous ones who could threaten an entire city, were the exceptions, not the rule. The rest of the time you got guys like this: basic criminals with a fancy gun. The whole thing leaves Kara slightly bemused, floating there with a small, pity-filled smile on her lips, fists propped on her hips as her and cape billows in the breeze. Slowly she starts to float on over.

She uses her x-ray vision to confirm the presence of vitals, then shoots the other Kryptonian a confident, even smug, smile. It conveys so much from 'Look what /I/ did.' to 'Save /your/ ass, didn't I?' She reaches down to grab a fistful of the guy's jumpsuit and start to haul him up and over her shoulder.

"No need to thank me, /ma'am/. Just doing my civic duty!" Oh yeah. She WENT THERE. "It'd be a lot faster if we just flew him to the hospital ourselves. It'd take the EMTs at least fifteen minutes to get here and several more to get up all the stairs to the roof. Just grab his weirdo talk-box and-"

She stops, looking the older version of herself up and down. "Did you change outfits? Are those Kryptonian materials? Niiiiiiiice." And then, unless halted for some reason, she'll fly the unconscious crook right on over to the hospital at warp speed!