2014.03.17 - The Very Model Of A Liefeld Individual

It is a rather sunny day in the Harbor, and Lady Liberty looks resplendent in her ages-old patina of green. The waters are calm and people are in a good mood in this day, which seems to presage the coming of summer a few months down the line.

The hero known as Vorpal has decided to take some quiet time by the water. He finds it soothing, and a welcome respite as an end of his daytime patrol. Leaning against a post, he casts his eyes towards the water, and it is becuse this is such a cloudless day that he can see something in the distance.

It is quite large, in fact- it is an honest-to-goodness galleon entering the bay.

Loki had brought in a Longship for Tony's funeral. But this? What could this possibly mean? Its sails were unfurled, and the deck was clearly occupied by a crew.

"...I'll be darned."

Superboy had been up at the Watchtower for most of the night. He'd been trying to get some results on an investigation but got nowhere. So he's in a bad mood. Flying back from where he was teleported, he's planning to head to Gotham to meet up with someone when he sees that galleon. Stopping in mid-air, he just stares. "The hell..."

New York Harbor, among other things, features access to Arkham Island. This is not precisely the vacation spot that some other harbor features may be, but it is a good spot from which Spoiler can keep an eye on a prison transfer taking place. The prisoner is one of her father's goons, and she's pretty sure that the man isn't insane at all. Which means he's probably playing nutso on her father's orders. "What are you up to, dad?" she mutters to herself under her breath as the Blackgate Prison van rumbles across the bridge from Jersey.

But then she sees something beyond the van -- old and brown, white sails streaming above. And a flag. She extracts binoculars from a pouch at her hip and peers toward the ship coming from the Atlantic. Is that... a Jolly Roger?

Dad's goon can wait. Spoiler is unaware of any historical reenactments taking place near Liberty Island today, and she suspects she'd better check this out, and so she lowers herself from her hiding spot and darts through the trees toward Arkham Island's shore, where she stops, momentarily uncertain how to proceed.

Dear Diary,

Next time I win the lottery, remind me to add a purple Jetski to my budget.

The galleon definitely seems authentic, and its course seems to be--- well, straight towards Arkham Island. That in itself is worrysome enough.

Vorpal sighs and begins sprinting. How is he going to get there? Well, by walking over the water. Or, rather, by walking on the little platforms he creates right over the water. It's still a ways, though, so Spoiler and Superboy have a better chance of getting there before he does-- Heck, Spoiler /is/ there already. It's why she can see that the galleon is, indeed, boasting a full complement of crewmembers, all stereotypically attired as if they had just jumped out of Treasure Island.

Except for the captain. A statuesque woman clad in a scarlet frock coat and captain's hat, equally scarlet hair streaming behind her as she holds an antiquated spyglass up to her eye, her lips curling in a slight smirk. She gives one gesture with her hand, and the weapon flaps open on the side of the galleon.

Except that those are not sixteenth century cannons. They look rather modern, in fact.

"Oh crap!" Vorpal says, running as fast as he can. He's still ways away.

Lifting his sunglasses to get a better view of things, Superboy frowns. Pirate cosplayers he could leave alone. Bad sailors he could leave alone. The canons are not something he can let happen. Slipping sunglasses into his pockets, he flies down so that the only thing viewable through that spyglass is his S-Shield. "Hey, pirate babe. Gonna have to take this three hour tour back to port."

Spoiler does not have these platforms to run on. What she does have is the somewhat battered grappler that Punisher gave her, which she then taught herself to reload, since it was really only supposed to be used once. And it's a good thing she has this, because even if she's closer than the others, it's not easy to get from shore to deck without a plank of some sort.

The grappler is fired, and the rope and hook assembly attaches itself to the crow's nest the girl was aiming for. Muttering a prayer under her breath, Spoiler drops the grappler assembly and launches herself up the rope -- hoping she can manage to get aboard before somebody fires a cannon in her direction or, you know, just cuts the stupid rope.

"Superboy," the captain of the ship says, slowly lowering her spyglass. "You are in my way," she says, giving the man a veiled look with that half-smile of his. "Is there any way I could persuade you to stand aside?"

Her crew stands tense on deck, all eyes on Superboy- which is fortunate for Spoiler, as it allows her to clamber up onto the back of the ship unobserved.

"I am sure we can come to some arrangement?"

Superboy smirks, chest puffing out a bit as he's recognized. He glances around at the crew and and shrugs. "Depends. Where are you goin' and what're you offering?"

Okay! On board is good. Superboy distracting pirates, also good. The next part of Spoiler's hastily constructed plan involves scenes from the latest Tomb Raider video game. In particularly, she creeps up behind the nearest pirate, claps a hand over his mouth from behind, and tosses the man over the rail and into the cold (and probably rather greasy) waters of the harbor. Because people with cannons aimed toward the city are not good people. Let Superboy parlay -- there's a pirate word for you. Spoiler will just work on improving their odds back here, one cosplayer at a time.

"I'm just here to pick some old acquatainces, nothing more." The captain says. THe cannons slowly begin to align themselves with one of the walls of the Asylum. "After I have picked them up... the two of us could enjoy some time to ourselves. Perhap the Caribbean." Her smile looks like a million dollars. It's probably how much it cost.

The pirate is completely taken by surprise, and his fall is unheard thanks to the focus on Superboy and the Captain. The woman tosses her hair back, the sun sparkling on a beautiful ruby nestled in a silver choker around her neck. "I am hoping we can do this without any inconveniences."

Superboy seems like he's considering the offer for a few moments. Really he's just trying to keep focus on him. He heard that grapple and while he's assuming it's someone else, he recognizes the sound of the grapple. "Sorry but I'm over islands for awhile. I just got back from a vacation," he adds, landing on deck. He concentrates his TTK, focusing on pushing the weapons ports closed. "There's a party over there and the guests of honor just can't leave."

Behind her mask, Spoiler utters an inaudible snort. Inaudible to people without super hearing, anyway. That's no hair toss. But since Spoiler's hair is hidden beneath a dark mask and violet hood, she cannot demonstrate the proper way to flip one's hair.

She moves up behind the next pirate, clinging to hiding places until she can attempt a takedown similar to the last. She's no Batman, of course, but that last attack went pretty darn well if she does say so herself.

"You're persuasive. I must give you that. And you are far, far more attractive than the other one." The Captain says, her voice growing husky. She takes one step forward "Very well... we surrender. *I surrender." She puts her leather-gloved hands against his chest and smiles, "But of course, you knew I would."

Without a single warning, the woman gives Superboy a kiss. It's one smolderer of a kiss, too, the kind that is accompanied by foot-popping in the more cheesey Hollywood movies.

It would be a nice ending to the story to say that the Captain surrendered, and that there was no more to the story but a kiss. But as grandfathers know, most kids will raise hell when stories end with kisses. Which is why this is not that sort of story.

For, you see, the gem embedded in the choker shines bright and true with a scarlet flash, and one of the Captain's hands move away from Superboy's chest to deliver a haymarker at the same moment that she ends up breaking the kiss. A normal woman would break her hand punching the Teen of Steel- but she is no longer a normal woman, and the punch that is delivered has Superboy's own strength behind it, most likely sending the teen flying due to being caught by surprise.

The Captain turns around to face her crew and narrows her eyes, her hearing now as acute as Superboy's. As she touches the mast, her tactile telekinesis sends the barrels behind which Spoiler was hiding flying into the air, exposing her coiver.

"It looks like we have a stowaway on board. Finish her!" she shouts, and turns around to wait for Superboy's return.

At these words, the crewmembers surge towards Spoiler, unsheathing rather mean-looking cutlasses!

Superboy isn't sure which other one the Captain means but stroking his ego is a good way to get his guard down. He's a little surprised by the kiss but he goes along with it, kissing back with a pleased little hum. He's just closing his eyes when the glow and the effects catch his attention. His eyes snap open in time for the fist to connect with his jaw. He's pretty dumb-struck as he crashes through the ship's railing and splashes into the harbor.

Dear Diary: When things seem like they're going too well, they probably are.

Faced suddenly by a mass of pirates, Spoiler leaps upward for the rigging. Sure, these guys probably climb the sails and stuff all the time, but theoretically it's harder to do this with cutlasses in hand. "Lady," she calls out, "League of Legends called -- they're going to sue you for copyright infringement!" But she's worried, because it's not hard to see what's happening here. She's facing down a mass of pirates with swords AND a woman with Superboy's powers. And now Superboy is in the water.

In moments she's high in the rigging, and she casts her eyes back down toward the pirates as she plots her next move -- not that she has much time for this. She's pretty sure the Captain could toss her off the boat any time she wanted.

Spoiler is right in thinking that the Captain would have no trouble flicking her off her ship with her new powers. However, she is not accounting for the fact that the Captain still has to worry about Superboy, as the Teen of Steel is in no way out of the fight.

"Get him in your sights and fire!" she shouts. The cannons whirr, as they recalibrate from aiming at the walls of the Asylum to trying to get a lock on Superboy. It is harder to hit a moving target, though, and as the teen splashes into the harbor, beams of energy pass by him without touching him.

The crew comes after Spoiler, though, cutlasses clenched tightly in their teeth as they climb up the rigging.

"Fire again!" the captain shouts, "Pummel the water! Let him know what it means to interfere with Calico Jill!"

The beams of energy piercing the water don't worry Kon much. No, the Superboy is more angry about the fact that he just got punched. Angry at the pirate girl and himself for letting something other than his brain drive him along. Swimming back to the surface, he glares when he breaks the water. "Oh hell no! You are not getting away with that!" he calls, starting to lift into the air. He's not going as fast as he wants to and for a moment he's worried he's losing his powers again. He pushes it aside when he feels his speed building. Eyes lighting up bright red, he lets heat vision lance out at one of the cannons with the intent of cutting it clean in half.

Spoiler continues climbing the rigging, right up to the crow's nest where the rope she used to board the ship still hangs. "You guys know she dyes, right?" she says to the oncoming pirates as she unhitches the grappling hook from the railing, grasps the rope about half a dozen feet from the end, and swings it toward the nearest pirate. "I mean, seriously, NOBODY has hair that shade of red for real."

The cannon succumbs under Superboy's eye-beams, sparks and smoke surging from it.

"I do NOT dye it!" the infuriate Calico Jill replies to Spoiler. From her emerald-green eyes, two similar beams of heat fly towards Superboy, white-hot with rage.

The pirate flails as the grappling hook catches his frock. It's a rather nice, expensive frock, really- Jill has spared no expense in the quality of her goon uniforms- but unfortunately it won't be in such a nice state. The pirate flails and hangs in the air as the grapple suspends him. Three more pirates climb after their fallen comrade, one of them throwing a dagger in Spoiler's general direction. It's not very good aim, though, considering his position.

Calico Jill, meanwhile, does her best to attempt to fry Superboy, her beams going for his chest and his jacket. "You should have taken my offer, Superboy!"

Once the cannon that had been shooting at him goes up in flames, Superboy heads towards the ship. Fists outstretched, he punches one of the pirates before the heat beams start coming his way. The first one catches the back of his jacket, sending the leather up in flames. Conner curses, eyes narrowing as he glares at Jill. "Now it's on," he says, discarding the jacket and starting to dodge. "You sucker punched me!" he protests, trying to get in close so he can return the favor.

Spoiler grins broadly behind the mask, jerking the knife free of the mast where it stuck. "Thank you!" she calls to the pirate who threw it as she hacks through the rigging as quickly as she can -- all the better to send her foes tumbling back to the deck.

It's priceless, that look a foe gets in his eyes when he realizes that he has given you the rope with which to hang him. That look flashes across the pirate who threw the knife, followed by quick desperation as he scrambles to climb up the rigging in time to stop Spoiler.

But he's not that fast. She's good, and the knife is sharp, and thus our less-than-intrepid pirates go down in a bunch as the rigging falls. Some fractures here and there, but nothing serious- after all, they landed on something soft.

"Get off me, you buffoons!" Calico Jill flails for a few seconds, caught in the rigging until she rips part of it off with her super-strength. However, those few seconds of distraction made her a moving target for...

One hell of a punch. As soon as he's in range, Superboy pulls back a fist and swings hard for Jill's face. He wouldn't hit a normal person that way but since she seems like she's playing copy cat, Superboy's letting her have it. Even as the remains of his jacket fall off and flutter away into the harbor, Superboy follows after Jill to keep the fight going.

"This is a good knife," Spoiler observes, examining the utensil for a moment, then tucking it into one of the pouches above her left knee. "I am keeping this knife." And then she peers over the edge of the crow's nest at the pirate who is still hanging from her grappling hook. "Hi, sorry, I need this back!" she calls as she yanks the rope -- and sends him down after his comrades. "Pirates," she says. "So 2003. And that's so not her natural hair color."

There is one question that is yet to be answered: Who is controlling the cannons below deck?

That answer comes as a barrage of energy blasts as another pirate emerges from below decks, carrying a weapon that would make Rob Liefeld turn his pen in. It is an unwieldy thing, and an innacurate one (which explains why the blasts missed Spoiler by juuuust a hair), but it packs one hell of a punch. Just like the pirate who carries it- broad shoulders, tall, and muscles to make Liefeld, again, cry and get the vapors.

"You broke my cannons!" he snarls, preparing another salvo.

Calico Jill is caught by the punch and is sent flying towards the island. Halfway through her fall she starts to right herself and attempts another wave of heat beams at Kon, aiming for his chest, setting that part of his uniform on fire.

"No, that was him," Spoiler calls back, pointing at Superboy. "But I'll trade you this snazzy new knife for that... thing you've got there." Pause. "It looks unwieldy!" She regards the oversized pirate below, and then sighs, withdrawing the knife from her pocket again, clenching it between her teeth, and affixing the hook to the crow's nest once more. She gives a yank on her rope briefly to test whether the railing is sturdy enough, then takes a swinging jump off the crows nest, hoping to plant herself feet first in the man's improbably formed chest. "YUCHSH AING UHAYYYY!" she calls around the blade.

Hot on Jill's heels, Superboy finds himself caught off guard again. He'd been trying to get his TTK forcefield up but it wasn't responding as readily. He managed to keep his skin unharmed but most of the top of his costume ended up burnt off. And really it's just making him annoyed. "Lady, you are getting my costume bill!" he calls. Taking a deep breath, he lets loose a gust of freezing super breath in hopes of slowing the pirate captain down.

A stream of energy beams follow Spoiler's trajectory. It is a slow thing to move around, which is why the beams don't hit her. However, the kind of man capable of holding on to that gone is not someone who will easily be knocked over by a kick like that. He does stagger back a little before bringing the gun to bear on Spoiler---

And then there's a *CRACK*. The beams had caught the mast, and now the mast was coming down.

"Damnit! It should have been a simple---" the wind catches Calico Jill, sending her flying backwards. She takes down several trees along the way- each blow causing a scarlet flash from her choker... until there are no more flashes and the last tree doesn't break. She 'unghs' and slowly slides down the tree- reatively unharmed, but unconscious.

Superboy follows after Scarlet once more. The flashes catch his eye and he frowns. Stopping next to the unconscious pirate, he checks her vitals and then moves to remove the choker. Just in case. The crack gets his attention and the now shirtless Superboy rushes to catch the mast before it can fall on anyone.

Yeah, he was supposed to fall over. Damn. But Spoiler is, at least, quick. She rolls to the side as she rises from the ground. "That mast breaking? That is -totally- on you, top-heavy," she informs the pirate. She catches a glimpse of Superboy streaking to catch the mast from the corner of her eye, and so she stops herself from moving out of the way, instead hiking one violet booted foot toward the junction of the overly brawny man's legs.

Vorpal pants, appearing over the side of the railing just as the large, browny man collapses onto the floor with a high-pitched whimper.

The Cheshire looks at Spoiler, who had just taken down a man three times her size, and Superboy catching a mast... and a choker in his other hand. The deck was a mess, and full of downed sailors caught in rigging.

"... I need to get a jet ski," the cat sighs.

When he's sure he's got the mast and ther's no one tied in it, Superboy flies the mast away from the ship and drops it where it looks like it'll be out of the way. Heading back to the ship, he lands near Spoiler. The sight of the downed man gets a wince before Kon looks Spoiler over a few times. He lets out a little noise of approval before smirking. "Hey. Nice moves," he offers. "Name's Superboy. What can I call you?" he asks. The sound of a familiar voice reaches his ears and he looks over to see Keith. "I thought you could float, dude."

"That one," Spoiler tells the pirate, "was on me." And then she tries to pick up the gigantic gun. Her attempts to move it are less than effective. Grimacing, she tries again, and succeeds in lifting it about half an inch before she drops it on the deck again. With a dark mutter she starts to push it toward the side of the ship with her feet. "Dear diary," she grumbles. "Time to take up weight-training."

Her eyes brighten when she spies Vorpal climbing over the side. "I was telling myself the same thing when I realized I was gonna have to find a way onto a ship in the middle of the harbor!" she informs him as the gun goes over the edge with a splash.

And then Superboy lands near her. Fun fact: for the last few years, there has been a Superboy poster on Stephanie Brown's bedroom wall. Over the bed. Before him it was Joe Jonas. The girl, who has remained cool under fire up until now, blushes behind her mask and stammers. "Um. Hi, Super... Superboy. I met your dad a few... few weeks ago. I'm Ste... Spoiler. Spoiler. From Gotham." Stammer stammer, blush blush. Sing along, you all know the words.

Vorpal leans against the edge of the boat and sighs. "Float, Superboy, float!. I can't float fast enough to catch up to this speeding shi---"

Oh yeah... the ship was still going, now ruderless... and it was just a few seconds from impacting against one of the cliffs by the Arkham Island shore. "... we need to get off this, now!"

Superboy's all set to enjoy the attention, soak up the adoration of a fan...and then the d-word. He winces slightly. "Superman is so not my father," he says. "Gotham, huh? You know Robin?" he refuses to call him Red Robin. The Vorpal has his attention again. "Dammit," he curses. No time to just bail, there were people on the ship! Sure they were pirates but Kon wasn't about to let the drown or crash and die. Taking off at super speed, he's moving to the front of the boat. TTK and super strength get put to use, Superboy working to slow and stop the boat before anything too disasterous.

"Sorry," mumbles Spoiler, blushing even more brightly behind the mask -- thank god for the mask. Everybody should have a mask. They hide embarassment. Not well, but they do. "I... yeah, I met him once. Honestly, most of my..." Oh. Right. Ship moving still. She races in the opposite direction from Superboy, leaping onto the broken mast and rushing up to the crow's nest to grab her grappling hook and rope. She only has the one. "Vorpal!" she cries as Superboy tries to slow the boat, push it away from the shore. "Anvils! Drop some anvils to stop us before we hit the island!" Because the LAST thing they need is to crash into Arkham Asylum.

"Anvil, got it!" The cat focuses--- and a fifteen foot anvil appears, hovering in the air. And then he dismisses it. "Wait. Anchor. ANCHOR!" He teleports over to the anchor release and lets it go. There's a horrible din as the anchor mechanism spins, a splash, and suddenly the ship *jerks* as the anchor makes contact. Superboy has managed to slow down the boat enough that the anchor tug does not cause the boat to crack in half... but it does shudder with a horrible crunch. Still, it has stopped, and if it is leaking water, at least there's enough time to evacuate. "... we should have stuck to the anvil idea, shouldn't we?"

Teeth grit, the teen of steel's quite a sight as he pushes back against that boat. Enjoy the eye-candy ladies and gents. When the ship finally stops and there's no Titanic moment, Superboy lets out a breath. Flying back to the deck, he nods. "Probably, Vorpal," he speaks up, stretching a little.

Spoiler should have thought of the anchor herself. But she didn't. Things probably would have been worse with the anvils anyway. She trots back down from the top of the mast toward the others, finding an assortment of zip ties in one of her pouches. "We should probably tie these guys up," she observes. "Lots of zip ties for the big guy. He's got enough muscle to embarass that guy who draws the comics with the improbable anatomy and lots of pockets."

"Yeah, let's do that..." the Cheshire says, "Sorry I was late for the party."

The sound of sirens as patrol cars race over the bridge connecting to Arkham. "I... guess I should be the one to file the report. You can take Spoiler back to Gotham, Superboy. Either of you want your names to be mentioned?" He asks. Mostly for Spoiler's benefit, as he knows she might be sensitive about that stuff.

"And you didn't even bring a gift," Superboy shakes his head at Vorpal. The sirens get an annoyed look but Superboy relaxes quickly. "Damn straight mention my name," he says, giving Vorpal a quick finger-gun gesture. "Yeah, I was headed to Gotham anyway. Mind if I swing by your place and borrow a shirt?" he asks Vorpal. He then holds a hand out to Spoiler. "All aboard Air-Superboy."

Spoiler holds up one of the remaining zip ties. They are all white, but if one looks closely one can see, in purple lettering, the word 'SPOILER' embossed upon them. "My name's already on 'em," she observes, grinning behind the mask. But Superboy is here, and her grin turns goofy as his hand is extended toward her. "Thanks," she says, taking his hand and stepping closer. "You can drop me off anywhere in Gotham."

Vorpal smirks, looking at Spoiler. He could totally see the little hearts floating from her.

Then again, his own heart was a little a-flutter. Kon had that effect.

"Sure, go ahead. Use one of the underarmour shirts, everything else belongs to P, and he doesn't let me touch any of his stuff because I wrinkle it." He chuckles. "... grab a case of soda and meet me at the apartment afterwards, I'm having a PS4 delivered today."

And then he turns to the mess, and sighs. "Alright... time to go greet the boys in blue."

"Sure thing, Vorp. After I finish up my mission," Superboy offers. When Spoiler steps in closer, Conner slips an arm around her waist for a better hold. Shirtless half Kryptonian. "See ya," he offers to Vorpal before lifting off into the air with Spoiler and heading towards Gotham. He'll drop her off on a nice brooding spot away from the places Red Robin told him Batman personally frequents and then head off to Keith's place to borrow a shirt. Not that he minds showing off his muscle but he he's going to be finding Red Robin for something important and figures clothes are a better idea for that.

Ohgod, shirtless half-Kryptonian. Ohgod.

Spoiler really tries not to fangirl the entire trip. She makes a couple of aborted attempts at conversation -- mostly she makes sounds like 'buh' and 'gah' a couple of times. One could chalk it up to a lack of experience at flight. But no, it's not that. It's shirtless half-Kryptonian.

It's only after Superboy has set her down and is flying away that Spoiler manages to say something to the young man. "It was nice meeting you!" she calls after him, and then she's leaping across rooftops on her way to a place where she keeps a stash of street clothes.

Dear Diary,

Shut up. I am NOT in 'lurrrrrve' with him!