2013.06.02 - Villain. Flash. Mob. Who comes up wi--

It all starts when one guy in a leotard forces a family into an alleyway down on the Lower East Side, just north of Little Italy. Then, there's a guy in a yellow and red hotdog-ketchup-mustard explosion of a costume that proceeds to commit a carjacking. Then a young woman in pink straight up swipes a lady's purse.

You've heard of the mob. You've heard of the Flash. You've heard of Flash Mobs.

But have you ever heard of the Flash Mob Villains?

Essentially, this is a group of like 50 losers who can't come up with a schtick or a team of their own, so they all got on some facebook page or whatever sort of communication technique these lamers could find and they organize Flash Mob crime sprees. So, within moments, all sorts of petty crimes are happening all a square block on the Lower East Side. It's mass chaos, with what the screaming and the crying and general gnashing of teeth.

Surely the cops won't be able to get to all of them. Maybe with a little help from their friends?

Vance Astrovik had been sitting outside a coffee shop, trying to focus on a physics text (and idly doodling potential costume ideas for his upcoming Legion tryout), when he hears a commotion from inside. A man runs out of the coffee shop wearing an oversized bee costume, carrying the cash register over one shoulder. There's coughing inside, the result of some sort of gas the man released as he starts hoofing it down the street. "Eat my pheremones! You've been stung by...The Drone!" the chubby bee-crook shouts. Vance's TK shield wraps itself around him, lifting him into the air to fly in pursuit as the Drone heads towards the rest of the Flash Mob's chaos.

That's distinctly a strange thing to have going on. Cessily, she'd been in search of dumplings, and had in fact found as such. She comes out of the tiny little hole in the wall and pulls one out of the container, offering it to Doug. "Everybody says this is /the/ place to get authentic dumplings," she says. "Seems unfair it's got no sign," she oobserves. As she biting into her own dumpling, somebody goes running past. "My purse!" she screams. Cessily's eyebrows rise. "Seriously?" she asks.

Poking around the interwebs for things that might be of interest, Cypher almost skips over the 'Flash Mob Spree' social media gathering, simply because he can't figure people were -so- dumb as to try and do something like it.

But the whole -anarchy- approach makes such perfect sense, Doug almost feels compelled to at least check it out, nudging a few X-Men to come and find out whether this was -for- real. And if it wasn't, well... at least they had a good afternoon out of it.

Nabbing the dumpling and stuffing it in his mouth, Doug nods quickly. "Yeah, it's one of those organized chaos things," the mutant mentions, as he starts running after the purse snatcher.

Illyana was at the same coffee shop as Vance but, since she doesn't know him there wasn't exactly any conversation going on. The blonde, dressed in heavy boots that climb up to her knees with silver skulls she's got on jeans and a tank top. And sunglasses. Sipping her drink she's mostly people-watching. It's a thing she does. Like if she watches them long enough, she'll figure them out. Good luck, eh? She pauses first, as The Drone goes buzzing by. And then one of the guys at the cafe lifts into the air and she reaches up to sliiiide her shades down to look over them. A heartbeat later, Doug goes sprinting by. "What. In. Hades?"

Spider-Man sighs as he looks over his shoulder. "Seriously, I'm fairly certain there's been a bell curve with the creativity of Supervillains. I mean, years ago we hit a real pinnacle. Now? We're on the downslide, the depths from which I'm not sure we'll ever return. The good news? If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, I think it'll be alright."

The old lady tending her garden on the top floor of an apartment building nods slowly.

"Well," Spider-Man shrugs his shoulders. "You know what they say. Get busy living or get busy dying. Except in my line of work, it can be both. You know what I mean-ohwait! I gotta run! Tah!"

The Web-Crawler leaps into the air, firing a web off to an unseen 'hook' and bends impossibly before firing another one. Surely a normal person would break their back the way he bends.

By the time he hits the ground, he's running, catching some computer-hacker type on his knees with a device near an ATM.

"This is probably the worst idea I've ever seen in the world. Ever. Times 20." Spidey's hand smacks into his forehead, sending him sprawling. Just as he does so, however, a giant brick of a baddie wearing shorts, a striped shirt, and a propeller beanie hat thing reaches out for Spidey.

With his senses tingling, Spider-Man backflips onto the wall and wags a finger at the giant. But then he stops abruptly. "Can I spin it? Please, can I spin it?"

Vance Astrovik reaches his telekinetic energies out to snatch the register off the Drone's shoulder, causing the Big Bad Bee Boy to whirl in frustrationk, lifting up his hand to fire more of his pheremones. Vance stops, hovering with the register grasped in his mental grip and fully prepared to lecture Drone on the evils of crime when the purse-snatcher flies by him, with Doug quickly flying by in full pursuit, "Blue blazes! What's going on?!" Vance cries out.

Cessily turns picks up into a run, trying to hold her precious dumplings in the process. "Oh great. Why is this our problems? Dumplings!" she protests. "There still are police even when there are...." she pauses and drops to a whisper, "X-Men." Cessily picks up her run and she's getting closer to the purse snatcher. The silver girl goes right past Vance, barely noticing him as she stretches one of her arms out like a long tentacle and grabs the snatcher around the waist, then gives a hard yank.

"Because we're here, and it wouldn't be right to -not- help," is Doug's breathless response as he catches up to the purse-snatcher, piling onto the purse snatcher as soon as Cessily slows him up.

Moving to try and keep him pinned with his SHIELD training, Doug glances about, looking for some way to keep him tied up, as he notices the rest of the chaos. "Oh... boy. We've got a lot more work ahead of us." Grabbing the purse, Doug tosses it back to Cessily. "Let's get to it."

Illyana slowly stands up, putting her cup down and walks in the direction that Doug, Cessily and Vance all took off in. She doesn't run though, instead taking the time to look around and take in the growing chaos. "Did I miss a new holiday or something?" She calls over towards her 'uncle'.

"Graaahgghahghahgh!" says the giant guy who is dressed by a kid. Is that a large lollipop in his rear pocket? Weird. Anyways, he slams his fist into the wall, breaking the area where Spidey used to be into bits. Almost in an instant, Spider-Man is leaping off the wall and firing a double-fisted spray of webs which attach themselves to the shoulders and head and neck and harden all over.


 * SNAP*

With a mighty pull, Spider-man yanks the bigguy down to the ground, head first on the concrete. "Unnnnfhhhh," says the tubby one before he's out cold.

"So help me high heavens if anyone says anything about 'the higher they are the harder they fall' I will wring someone's neck," says Spidey. It's unclear who he's talking to.

"Oh no," Spider-Man says as he sees Illyana. Or at least a girl who looks like Illyana. In all of the superhero towns, on all the superhero roads, she had to go ahe-OOOF!

The spidey sense was tinglin' but it only works if you do something about it folks. Spidey is tackled from behind by a group of four dudes wearing a N-S-E-W on their shirts, for reasons I cannot explain.

Vance Astrovik throws a quick TK bunch to the Drone's gut when the bee-screant attempts to fire off some pheremones, then flicks his mind upwards to smack the guy in his face, making him fall down on his butt unconscious. One down, seeming...innumerable more to go. This superheroing thing was everything it was cracked up to be...too bad he still didn't have a costume. Since Doug seems to know what he's doing, Vance decides to follow him...

"We're here! We're clear! We're gonna stop this guy!" Cessily chants. She yanks the purse snatcher again and gets him down onto the ground, catching the purse and then tossing it towards the proper owner. "Here you go Ma'am!" she says, then takes off again after Doug. "Maybe you can get your new girlfriend to help!" she taunts him. She has somehow presumed Doug's alleged squeeze is a mutant.

"There's -no- new girlfriend!" Doug calls out. Just because he -went- somewhere and didn't -detail- anything to his students didn't -mean- he had done -anything-. Even if he -was- off meeting ... someone.

As the jewelry store was plundered, Doug motions that way. "The situation is simple - a bunch of people meet, and do whatever they want to steal. That's what's going on. So what we need to do..." the young mutant calls out, just moments before he's immediately tackled by what appears to be a tall mohawked man in a hoodie, weighed down in chains, who immediately snatches at Doug's bag, and starts running off with it.

Chaos - insane chaos. Like what's happening a block away... for example. Silly string. Under normal circumstances it's a fun toy to play with, a small can is used to spray the gooey substance out. The substance is certainly annoying but soon becomes brittle and breaks. Right? Hardly a menace. And yet, in the middle of a sidewalk, a man with his own pre-made utility belt filled with can after can of silly string is dancing about, spraying everything and everyone in his path with the substance, while dancing to a beat that only /he/ can hear. Sadly, his first victim and the one that is still standing fairly surprised is a tall redhead that has an expression of both disgust as well as surprise written across her features. Her hair. Her clothes. Her arms are coated in silly string, gooey, gross, silly string. Hardly a true deterrent, and yet - Caitlin hasn't decided if she should deck the man on general purposes, or just gawk a few minutes longer. After all, it isn't every day you get to see the Silly String master at work. No, her reasons for being here - well, that would probably have to do with a pile of shopping bags filled with electrical equipment (that are too now coated in silly string). After all, shopping is an essential and important reason!

There's a reason Illyana doesn't go running after folks. Really. It's too undignified. Also, unneeded. A stepping disk flashes and between one step and the next, Illyana goes from trailing behind to right in front of the mohawked guy. Who she nails right in the face with a hard left to send him reeling backwards a few steps. Casually, she lifts her shades to rest on her head, chilly blue eyes looking over at Doug. "Looks like you were about to loose something." She taunts with a smirk. Her new position though, lets her see that bright blue-and-red outfit and the smirk fades as she stands there looking over at Spider-Man.

In a scene right out of a 1920s film before the 'talkie's became prevalent, the N guy and the S guy are on Spidey's right leg, while the E and the W are on his left. With one giant kick, the baddies are sent sprawling.

Spider-Man does a kick up from his back to his feet and stops. "Okay, serious. You guys need to explain this one."

The four villains all look at each other. The "North" speaks up. "Well, it stands for news. See?" They all get in a row to spell out NEWS. "Our goal was to become stars, so we figured if we had news on our shirts, the news crews would /have/ to put us on tv."

Spider-Man inhales very, very deeply. He holds it in for a few moments. Then, he exhales is in uneven, almost helpless breaths.

He fires a wide arcing beam of webbiness, adhering them to the ground. Spider-Man walks away, disgusted.

And he walks towards Illyana. He hasn't seen her in, what, 9 months? Part of him wants to run away, but part of him knows he needs to say something.

Unfortunately for Brave, Brave, Sir Pete, a cop car pulls to a stop right in between he and his former girlfriend.

"Stop! Police!"

"Hey! Jones! Spider-Man is leading one of those flash mob things. Get him!"

Vance Astrovik steps in to Caitlin's rescue, although she might not have needed it. He reaches out and mind-grasps the cans of silly string, compressing them until they puncture and explode, drenching the bandit-in-question with massive piles of his own weapon of choice, a lot of it blasting into his open, cackling mouth. He goes down, pawing at his face as Vance flits over, hovering just over the novelty-drenched criminal. "Are you all right?" he asks Caitlin (after all, for all he knows, it's ACIDIC Silly String!), only to have himself pelted in the back of the head by a sombrero. Behind him, a man wielding a variety of headgear - fedoras, bowlers, baseball helmets, all piled up underneath one another in an endless stream of infinite hats - begins flinging his chapeuas at Vance, watching them bounce off his TK field, "The Haberdasher says thee nay!"

"That seems.....public," Cessily observes, as she dodges up to the jewelry store. "Ohmygosh," she mutters, looking at the looting. Very thorough, it was. "Hey!" Cessily calls, her head twisting all the way around as it tracks another set of passing goons, this time carrying silly string, of all things. "I think this is moving towads full-blown riot," she says darkly.

Struggling back to his feet, Doug nods. "Thanks, Illyana," he says, glancing back towards Spider-Man, frowning at the cause. He'd never really been acquainted with the person, other than the various arguments over whether he was hero or villain, but that could wait, as he snatches back his bag from the mohawked thief. Making sure his laptop was secure, Doug turns back to...

"Caitlin?" Ah hell, it was -hard- to miss her, and so Doug immediately dashes towards her direction...

"Oh, pumpkin," a gaily dressed blonde woman wearing a diamond mask and a diamond decorated dress comments as she regards Cessily. "I do think we have a hero here."

A loudly clad man in a jester uniform replies, "Certainly we do, sweetums. Shall we just just plunder her?"

"Do you think she's made of silver? Oh certainly, we shall have fun! Dearest Punch, you do think of the nicest things!"

"Yes, Jewelee dear, let us take her. Hey, would you mind terribly if you just hold still while we shoot you?" Punch exclaims, bringing out a huge large gun that appears to be a giant alien raygun.

With the shock of the situation finally sinking, Caitlin's initial response was about to step forward and gently tap the Silly String Master on the chin. Yet; just before she can do so, her rescuer shows up! Gently beginning to pick the pieces of silly string out of her hair, and clothing, the tall redhead offers a warm smile to Vance. "I am okay, thank you for the res... OH!" This. Is. Insanity at its worse. Or best, depending upon how one views it. So much for her new outfit, and all her nice newly purchased electronics too! Dropping her bags to the ground, at least they're kicked to one side of the way - next to a garbage can. (After all, no one ever uses garbage cans, right?) The wide rimmed sombrero is plucked upwards, as Caitlin's gaze flickers towards the more immediate danger - that being what appears to be an alien raygun. With a quick calculation on just how far it would be, and to make sure it isn't going to hit anyone else, the hat is sent careening towards the raygun wielding man's hand. And as for Caitlin? Well. It could be a trick of the light, but she really does look a lot more muscular than she normally did a few seconds ago. And her clothing has gotten a great deal more tighter.

Illyana arches a brow at Spider-Man as the cops pull up in between them. Of course. She gives a slow shake of her head and turns away, because he'll be tied up with well, not getting tied up. She opens a hand as she walks by the groaning mohawked guy and he falls through a disk of light. She keeps walking and waves another hand and the purse snatcher disappears as well. She keeps walking and the downed 'villains' all start to drop out of sight.

At first it's just a flicker of light in the back of the squad car. Then there's a groan. Then a protest. Then louder as the space in the back of the car is rapidly disappearing as the would-be villans are teleported into the back of it.

"Guys," Spider-Man says as he shakes his head. "You guys have the worst. The /worst/ timing." As they move closer to him, the Saucy Slinger leaps into a backflip and lands upon an SUV, splaying his legs out and laying low. "Gentlemen, would you believe me if I told you I had nothing to do with this?"

The cops look at each other, then shake their heads.

"No," they say in unison.

"That's what I thought." From the top of the vehicle, he backflips onto the wall of a skyscraper and zips up higher out of immediate range. He desperately looks back towards the commotion, looking for a way to get involved again.

But as he does, paddy wagons, SWAT teams, police cruisers, and even a helicopter come from around the corner. The heroes are going to get some help rather quickly. The villains-Spider-Man and his idiotic crew-are going to have little time to put up more of a fuss.

"Hey!" Spider-Man says, "It's not my fault!"

Vance? Distracted by beautiful redheads getting taller and having their clothing getting tighter? What kind of superhero-in-training would be distracted by something as crass and - BONK - Native Headdress - BONK - Top Hat - BONK - Powdered Wig - "All right, that one wasn't even a hat!" Vance shouts, turning his attention back to the Haberdasher, hefting the Hatted Heel of Hate and flinging him back towards a wall, only to see him tumble into a glowing disk that appears from nowhere and disappear. He hears the sound of sirens and winces, hoping none of the cops called to the scene know his father. The last thing he needs is for his mother to get an earful because the 'little mutie SOB' outted himself to Dad's colleagues. Since Caitlin seems able to handle herself, he hovers around to her back, the two of them ending up facing in opposite directions and looking out for any other potential weirdos that escaped from Illyana's stepping-disc clean-up job.

"I am not!" Cessily shoots back at...Pumpkin? Probably not her codename, if she even has a codename. It's probably Diamond. Or 'Jewelee'. Convenient when they say their names aloud. "Yes, I would!" Cessily snaps back at them, forming her arms into long, curved blades and going rushing after the girl. She gets her off-balance with a few dangerous swishes, before she spots Punch bringing out the big gun. "Oh no," she says, immediately dodging behind a car.

"Caitlin!" Doug calls out, just in time to see the girl steal the Haberdasher's hat, even as Illyana teleport the hatted villain away, and fling it towards Punch's weaponry.

Falling in line with Vance and Caitlin, Doug motions. "You aware of the Flash Mob villains? Well, this is what's happening," Doug says, pausing to eye Caitlin. Had she always been that... muscular? Then again, Doug hadn't really looked below eye level (not very much)...

"Dear, the silver metal woman is trying to fillet me!" Jewelee cries, sending gems and jewelry scattered as she tries to step away.

"I know, just have her hold still, and... Oh, frabjulous day!" he exclaims, as Cessily ducks behind a car. "Hold still and..."

And then the hat comes descending in and knocks the gun away, sending Punch flying from the sheer impact as he loses control of the heavy weapon. It fires into the air, somewhere towards... ohai, Spider-Man. Spider-sense warning!

"SNOOKUMS!" Jewelee cries out, as she runs over to her fallen partner. "Oh, poor baby! Where does widdle snookums wookums hurt? Did that mean girl hurt you?"

As the hat goes sailing through the air and does its intended thing - Caitlin's hands run splayed through her hair, pulling loose bits and pieces of silly string that have continued to stick to her. She's about to step forward and finish what she started, when the sound of the multiple helicopters, police cruisers and otherwise enter the area. Doug's voice is heard, as the redhead's gaze flickers towards him, a slight bob of her head given. Her gaze once again returns towards the villains - especially the duo that are still /quite/ active.

Yet, Caitlin's steps pause. The last thing she needs is to have yet another police report written up with her as an eye witness to the facts. Emerald eyes scan towards Doug, "Doug!? How'd ..never mind.. I'm sure the police can take care of this, now right?" Nervousness greets her tone, as the redhead begins to step back and away, forgetting all about her shopping bags. The situation is surely okay now that New York's finest are at the scene... right? Besides. /She's/ not a card carrying heroine! She's just a college student that had a bad experience on the west coast.

"Mmmm. More cops. Time to boogie, Dougie." Illyana tells the other blonde. "If anyone needs a lift, speak now and all that jazz." Illyana lifts her hands and more disks of light appear beneath the feet of those that are looking for a quick exit. The disk slides up, those heavy boots disappearing from view. Then hips and shoulders... She looks up towards Spider-Man as just before the disk swallows her completely and then winks out.

The gun hurtles through the air, flying straight towards the Web-Slinger. Reflexively he leans back on his feet and catches it, just as photographers begins snapping pictures.

The photo that will be run tomorrow looks like Spider-Man is wielding an alien firearm and looking out over the fray as his 'troops' commit their misdeeds."

Ack!

Spidey webs the gun to the wall and wipes his hands on his chest as if to clean them. "I better get out of here." Within a second, he's airborne, webbing off into the distance as only he can. Where he goes is anyone's guess.

Except Illyana. She probably knows he'll end up in Queens. But that's besides the point.

The police, as Caitlin had hoped, take control of the situation. Some of the criminals were able to get away, but most of them are being apprehended with extreme efficacy. These cops are pretty good when all the work is done for them.

Well, the Strokes had a song about New York City cops, but I'll let you google that.

Vance Astrovik doesn't know who any of those people are and yet, as he looks over the cops and sees a familiar face - Sergeant Dancer, his Dad's old partner, calling the shots - he flits himself over to Illyana's disc, letting the strange girl teleport him wherever she will, "Ticket for one?" he says sheepishly. And as he disappears with the others in a shimmer of light, he realizes he left a 150 dollar physics textbook laying next to his half-cooled half-caf on the street next to a bunch of overpollinated coffee junkies. Well, maybe he can get another weekend shift caterer-waitering to pay off a THIRD copy. Crap.

Cessily twists, spotting the portal opening up with that tell-tale crackle underneath Illyana. She frowns and wrinkles her nose. Jumping into Limbo....not fun. Better than flying coach Portland to New York with a curious kid asking if you're a robot over and over...but not by much. "Doug!" she calls. "Grab your friend, let's book!" she shapeshifts back to 'normal' and rushes towards Illyana.

As Vance steps through the disc, Doug turns towards Caitlin. "Uh, look, this is a really long story, and I haven't time to explain, but step through the disc, it'll take you where you need to be... and I'll explain later!" He motions towards the teleport disc, so that Caitlin can get going, before following into another disc, and onwards, leaving the villains to bemoan their fates.

A quirk of her brows at the shimmering portal, and Caitlin offers a shake of her head, gaze moving from it and back towards Doug. No way in hell. No pun intended. "Thank you. Doug, but I'm.. no. Thank you." So with a swift step back, Caitlin's fingers collect her bag of electronics and she's darting off in a fairly swift gait towards a crowd of gawkers and watchers, and though she can't really FIT IN - as hello, six foot four redheads just tend to stand out in a crowd, she does at least, avoid any official entanglements. Her backwards words..? "I was safer in Portland."