|EVENT: MojOlympics - Decathalon|
|What: In twisted parody of the upcoming Earth Olympics, Mojo is doing his own, far deadlier version, yanking Earth heroes and villains in to compete. This is the Mojolympic Decathalon.|
It was a normal day like any other. The mail even arrived on time, delivered by a smiling woman new to the route, with prematurely white hair tucked up under her USPS hat and a bulky jacket on despite it being summer. She dropped off the usual junk fliers, coupon pages, and bills, plus a small box labeled, 'Try our brand new Spiral bar!' in fancy lettering. Inside was a bar of chocolate which looked, and smelled, delicious. It had a white chocolate swirl inside a dark chocolate swirl inside a milk chocolate swirl.
The moment a bite was taken, was the last moment the MojOlympians remember. The next thing they recalled was waking up somewhere /else/, wearing a restraining collar (cybernetic, psionic, or magical, as needed) they could not get off, and surrounded by burly humanoids with tusks and lots of weapons. They were held in strange tubes which were transported on repulsors of some sort, to locations where they were forced to be athletes in a truly demented version of a decathlon. Many of the contestants, some clearly not from Earth, perished during prior events. Only six remain.
The MojOlympics arena is so massive, that the contestants cannot see from one end to the other. It is separated into 10 areas for the events, some of which might bring back terrible memories of the ones the MojOlympians have already tackled today. The stands are viewing booths with transparent steel for windows, so the (also transported and confined) spectators can watch without fear of harm, or much hope of escape. They rise high into the air, vanishing upwards from view. There is also a bubble-like viewing platform floating above. In it sits Mojo, looking like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and a DIY wiring experiment gone bad. Beside the bloated being are various members of his entourage, including the ever-present Major Domo, who looks as thrilled to be here as he does to be anywhere. (Read: Not at all).
On a stage at the center of the arena is the news anchor for MojoTV, the lovely triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six, surviving twin of the pair with more than a pair, Dangledooper Transmada. The indentured servant is finishing out her deceased sister's contract with Mojo, and she's been a ratings star on his network. Her cheerful voice comes over the speaker system as the remaining Decathletes are ushered out in their tubes, towards their next event.
"Welcome back from our commercial break! This is Dangledooper Transmada, coming to you from Mojo Arena, site of the Track and Field events of the 2012 Summer MojOlympics! Mojo has, of course, kidnapped the best and brightest of various worlds to participate, totally against their will, to suffer for the pleasure of our viewing audience! So let's get back to the fun! Next up, we have the 100 metre dash! Our contestants for this event are the following: Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, ah, looks a bit dead at the moment, but he usually gets better. We'll wait and see. Wildebeest, the science experiment gone adorable. Cypher, the guy who, um, knows lots of languages and is somehow not dead here yet. The Martian Manhunter. He's GREEN! Sexy Martians! Zaphrod Beeblebrox, the two-headed, three armed man. That extra arm really helped him out during the javelin throw, folks, he got high score there! And of course Jar Jar Binks! None of us can figure out how the hell he's survived the first six events, but then none of us figured out how he survived a first edit either! So on to the dash! The contestants are being dumped from their transport tubes at their starting markers!"
In front of the contestants stretches a normal looking track. There aren't even rhinos on standby. This can't be good.
Doug had been alive again for less than a month and already he was wishing he was dead. Why did this always happen to him? It was absurd! And, let him tell you, being able to understand alien languages in this situation? Not. Helping.
Somehow, he'd managed to survive the previous events with only moderate-to-high levels of humiliation, but he was unharmed. The running events were the only places he had felt remotely competant, as he had a lifetime of experience and training in running fast and dodging projectiles. But the discus, javeline, and long jump? Yeah, no. He was lucky he hadn't been eaten by sharks, bitten by snakes or blown off the face of the 'verse.
Doug's hair was still smoking from a brush with an electrified hurdle when he found himself dumped face-first onto the track for another race. Well. At least he knew how to run. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself up to his feet and glanced around. For the first time, he found himself wishing for some familiar faces.
It's the duty of a prisoner to try and escape. Unfortunately, J'onn has, as of yet, seen no opportunity to do so. Thus, the Martian has focused on staying alive...and continuing to look for that opportunity. The track looks normal...but he knows what will happen if he tries to fly above it. Escape. He can't even read the minds of anyone but the contestants...they seem to have the place shielded, somehow. Somehow. He does have certain unfair advantages, of course, like, oh, insane levels of stamina. (Being called sexy? That annoys him).
Penguin puffs his cigarette and regards the Boy-Wonder, "I have to admit I'm sad you aren't down there, Kid-O." He blows a big smoke ring in Robins direction.
Wildebest was preparing the move to Titans Tower when he spotted free candy. Without even thinking about all those warnings about the dangers of free candy and what people put in them... he pretty much ate the entire bar in one bite. Which means the Red-Furred Teen was licking his fingers happily when he showed up in Mojoworld surrounded by nasty creatures. And wearing some sort of collar. And then forced to compete for people's amusement against his will. At least he's shown them how much of a W.M.D. he can be, smashing and bulldozing his way through the earlier events. Wilde blinks a few times as he's ushered out of his tube towards the next event. He's just wearing the trunks portion of his armor at the moment. Any other clothes he arrived in having been shredded and destroyed numerous events ago. He snorts lightly at the announcer. "I Am Not Adorable!" He gruffs, his shoulders drooping some as he approaches the starting mark.
Zaphod looks like he isn't really sure where he is, or maybe he's just drunk. Or maybe one head is one and one is the other? Who knows. He waves to the crowd and seems to be actually enjoying this torment.
Jar Jar is full of all sorts of holes at this point, but he's still going. He slides out of his tube into a tired puddle at the starting markers. He doesn't have the benefit of knowledge of the earth versions of these events, but they did the hurdles and the 1500 metre already, so he realizes he needs to crouch with his feet on the thingies. His ears flop around, all torn up.
Deadpool os dumped from his tube and sort of lies there. He took a javelin or seventeen during the 1500 metre run, which crossed the ranges of the various throwing events. He was watching Dangledooper at the time, rather than what was coming at him. He isn't moving. Yet.
Dangledooper smiles brightly at the cameras, up towards the stands. "And it looks like everyone is just about ready folks. So let's get underway! Major Domo has the starters pistol up above and..."
||BANG!|| the pistol is fired, signaling the beginning of the race. So far, nothing seems out to get them. So far.
Doug does not like starting pistols. Still, it does the job effectively -- as soon as the *bang* splits the air, he's off and running as hard as his legs will carry him. Compared to present company, it's not likely to be an impressive showing, but he'd make a solid go of it were the other atheletes baseline humans.
"This! Is! So! Not! Fair!" Doug punctuates each step with a little more of a rant, keeping his eyes peeled. There will be obstacles. Horrible ones. He just knows it. If he wasn't so worried about the penalties for losing being fatal, he wouldn't even try to stay out in front.
Maybe that's the trick. Deliberately lose. J'onn isn't about to risk it, though. One might notice, though, that he's not really out to WIN, either. Hrm. Deadpool. Doug. He doesn't know any of them. Nor does he know the lop eared alien. He runs easily, paying attention to the obstacles. Something...there's got to be an answer here, a clue. Anyone watching him would think he's...using no more energy than necessary. Which is honestly true.
Wildebeest shifts forms as the gun goes off, expecting a nasty trick from what he's already been through. His large 12' form leaping away from the starting mark and taking off in a run. He's trying to take the lead, stay in the front. Hoping whatever is planned he'll trigger first... and the others will have some warning. Plus well... if he manages to win due to an unfair advantage like being able to leap long distances and have a larger stride than others, oh well. He's also kinda putting his body infront of Doug on the track... since he looks the most squishy. He's trying to avoid looking at poor Jar Jar. Since given his kooky age thing, he's actually a fan. So sue him.
Zaphod dashes off from the line. Sort of. He more or less jogs as his heads argue with one another about strategy for the race. It will be over long before they come to an agreement. He lifts up one foot and sets it down and ||BOOM!!!!|| Earth and clay and possibly bits of Beeblebrox go flying into the air. He lands on the ground and groans.
"Yes, ladies and Gentleman, MojOlympian Beeblebrox just discovered that this track is a minefield! Small and large mines are beneath the surface,; it's pure chance whether or not our athletes hit one, or twenty, during their dash!" Dangledooper announces excitedly.
Jar Jar looks over at the announcer's box like he can't believe what he just heard. So far his weird loping gait has kept him away from the booms. The Mojoversians in the audience seem sad that he hasn't exploded yet. So do some of the Earthers.
Penguin cheers, "WAH WAH WAH!! Landmines!! Classic!"
Last night was a long night for Circus. She pushed herself to her limits and a bit beyond, so she was paying for it now. She should have stayed in bed. She tells herself that repeatedly as she sits confined. She tells anyone near her to be honest. She's hit shutdown and passed out for most of the day. She'd woke up groggy, disoriented, and starving. Unfortunately she had woken up in a strange bed, and whoever owned that bed didn't stock their kitchen very well. So, she'd gone out to get food, and look what that got her! She stares at the horror show going on in front of her and asks, "What the hell is going on?"
Zatanna Zatara has some sort of high-tech duct tape over her mouth. She can't cast spells like this. She looks really angry as she shouts out, "Mrphle Phreafle Mphem!"
Doug doesn't look back at the explosion -- he knows the announcer will spell it out for him in due time. And when she does, he isn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Of *course* it's a minefield. Why *wouldn't* it be a minefield? So much for paying attention to his surroundings to try and find a way out. Now all Doug could do was focus on putting one foot in front of the other and hope he didn't hit any bumps.
Doug did, however, make a mental note to try and find the fuzzy guy up ahead of him later. He was pretty sure he owed him some gratitude... but given that his sneaker comes down on a (mercifully small) mine that sends him sprawling with a startled yelp, remembering to do so may take some doing. "I'm fine!" he sputters, hurriedly scrambling back up to his feet. He'll need new shoes, but he's okay.
Bethany Cabe is looking rather bemused. Impeccably put-together, but bemused. "I'm guessing either mass hallucination, mutant hijinks, or I confused my husband's 'special stash' for an Alkaseltzer packet." She leans forward to watch. "I can't say I'm happy to be up here though it looks like it's for the best."
Land mines...don't do much to Martians. J'onn powers through them...but he's keeping a lot of his attention on Doug. True, they were warned bad things would happen if they didn't compete. But at the same time...they aren't going to get out of here without working together. So, the question is, how do they do so? A mine goes off at his feet, but does little damage to his highly resistant form.
Wildebeest almost falls flat on his face when he's startled by the explosion, his own foot coming down on a large landmine. The explosion that would probably take a foot or part of a leg off on normal folks, only leaves his furry leg smoking a bit. "Owwwww, Ya Jerks!" Wilde does turn when he hears Doug shout though, and turns around to come back and check to make sure he's ok. "Ya Okay?" He almost wants to pick Doug up... hell, pick everyone up. But is sure that Tubby up there won't like it. "Stay close behind me, I'll screen 'em for ya." Wilde ruffles Doug's hair and then turns around and starts running again. Turning his head up to Mojo's box as they run past and offering him a massive.... PBBBBBBBBBBT!
"It looks like Zaphod is down for the count folks. I'm sure Mojo can reattach that third arm for him though!" Dangledooper notes cheerily. "He struck one of the larger mines out that. Bad luck, for him, drawing that row to run in. If he'd actually been running though, he might have missed it. Silly Beeblebrox!" She giggles girlishly.
Up above, Mojo sneers as another one bites the dust. Death or dismemberment is great for ratings. Major Domo shows him a tablet with the surge in viewers listed.
Jar Jar decides the best way to get through this is to touch as little of the ground as possible. He makes great leaping strides. 10 metres, 25, 50, ||BOOM!|| The crowd goes wild! Then they groan as it was a smaller one and he's just tossed onto his face. He staggers back to his feet.
The finish line is (mercifully) near for the contestants now.
Penguin is bouncing in his seat and laughing as explosion after explosion rock the arena, "Wah wah wah!!" His eyes are focused on the floppy earred alien, waiting, anticipating what is bound to be a 'Misa'hurt' moment for a stupid alien with a stupid voice. "WAH WAH WAH!! THAT'S WHAT I'm TALKING ABOUT!!"
Tim Drake looks from side to side, and does his best not to be noticed. 'This is the last time I eat a chocolate bar with a morphine drip.' he mutters softly to himself. The teen has looked better, his face and chest covered in bandages and an arm in a sling. He glances at the Penguin laughing, and slips a little lower into his seat. 'Last time...'
Doug blinks in surprise as his hair is ruffled, but the absurdity of the situation actually gets a laugh out of him. "Thanks, big guy," he says, genuinely happy as he takes off running again. He could tell that both he *and* the Martian were keeping an eye out for him. He might have found that annoying in the past, but right now, it was very comforting.
"I think we lost the guy with two heads!" Doug calls out with a wince, doing his best to chase Wildebeest to the finish. As long as they can make it to the line in one piece, it'll be okay, and he could use a chance to catch his breath. And make sure his shoe wasn't on fire.
Martian Manhunter is probably just ahead...but only just. Deliberately not blowing the others away. Using only as much energy as he needs to. And, perhaps, sending a bit of encouragement to the others. Zaphod might be out...but not dead...all he can do is...oh, who is he kidding. This guy's going down. It's just a matter of working out *how* to make that happen.
Zatanna glares around at everyone while twitching spastically in her seat, trying to free her arms so she can get the tape off and maybe get them out of here.
Penguin bounces up and down in frustration, "THE ALIEN! GET THE ALIEN!!" He looks in Zatanna's direction and asks, "Tell me you feel the same waaa.. eeh, Ok just nod if you agree. Wah wah wah." He puffs his cigarette harldy noticing that it has gone out.
"Yeah." Bethany edges away from Penguin and closer to people who look safer, like Tim. "Alex and I are so having a talk. Of course, if this is all because my parachute didn't open, I'm firing that new kid from the grave." Now, she actually takes a look at Tim and the others, starts checking for her purse. "Are you okay there, honey?"
"Welcome." Wildebeest growls a lil to Doug, turning around and refocusing on the race and trying not to think about the others. He can't protect everyone... even if he want to. As Martian Manhunter pulls ahead a bit, Wilde starts running faster. Ok, he really kinda wants to win. He doesn't know why, but figures the winners probably might be in worse danger than the losers. Plus well, he is a kid. He doesn't wanna lose. More small bombs and landmines go off under his feet, leaving Wilde with only two toes! *GASP* Oh wait, he started with only two. Nothing to worry about after all.
"Oh my effing god! This is sick!" says Circus as the mine race starts hopping, or popping as the case may be. She's flexible enough to reach her backpack and root around inside despite her confinement, but it doesn't do her any good. It is empty. Not that there probably would have been anything useful to the situation normally anyway. Maybe a candy bar. She scrunches up her eyes, trying not to wath the show. She answers Bethany's question, "I'm fine Sugarlips. Other than being strapped in some horror show chair."
"And the fastest time for the 100 metre dash goes to the Manhunter! Wildebeest is a close second, and Cypher surprisingly takes third. I think he got lucky folks. Jar Jar is still up and running and comes in fourth (crowd groan). Deadpool is... Um. What is going on with Deadpool?" Dangledooper looks over at where DP is still lying. One of Mojo's bigger ruffians steps up to him, picks him up bodily, and tosses him halfway down the track, right onto the biggest landmine there. ||BADA-BOOM!|| The explosion throws his mangled self the rest of the way across the finish line.
"Deadpool takes fifth! With Zaphod Beeblebrox out of the competition, that puts the Mouthy Merc in the lead for the gold, with Wildebeest close behind, the Manhunter right on his tail, and Jar Jar a ways back. Cypher isn't out of this yet though, still with us and breathing." She adds in a mumble that can barely be heard, "Bet that wasn't what anyone planned."
Cameras all swivel as the tubes come down to recapture the atheletes and dump them at the next spot. It looks like the Shot Put field. The weighted balls look harmless enough. But the six-armed, partly cybernetic mailwom-er Mojoversian standing downfield doesn't look too friendly. She's dancing though, a weird dance.
Now we have the Shot Put event. Contestants must throw the shot puts as far as they can down the line. And fast. If Spiral doesn't fry them with an eldritch bolt, if they hang on to that ball too long, it's gonna explode on them!" Dangledooper flashes a glittering smile at the stands. Sparkle. Sparkle.
Tim looks around a moment, and smiles at Bethany. "Talking to me? I'm...fine. The stairs and I don't get along." He slides a little lower, then seeming on a whim pushes himself up and limp steps to the seat next to Zatanna. He reaches up to pulls the tape quickly. 'This might hurt.' he whispers.
It does hurt. It also refuses to come off. It makes bleepy bloopy noises like it's electronic, even though it looks as thick as regular duct tape. Zatanna groans.
Penguin looks for the release button to the belt strapping him in the chair while occasionally stopping to display his unhappiness with the outcome, "Give me a damned gun, I'll get the alien." He looks to one of the guards standing nearby and says, "Scotch on the rocks" then returns to getting out of his seat. He notices everyone edging away and blinks a "What?"
Doug barely even has time to catch his breath or check on the others before he's back in that blasted tube again, groaning and lightly bouncing his forehead off the glass in frustration. Worst. Day. EVER. He at least manages to land on his feet this time, slightly smouldering shoes notwithstanding, and Doug really doesn't need to guess the rules here. Gritting his teeth, he makes a grab for a heavy ball, and just about gets it settled against his shoulder when a bolt zings next to his ear. That's... well, that's one way to encourage a skinny white boy to throw a ball as hard as he possibly can. Still. He has no chance here. All he can do is participate and try not to get shot. Again.
Throwing the ball at fatty? Not smart. So, J'onn makes himself feel better by throwing it at Spiral...she's probably out of his currently rather limited range, but it's exactly the kind of futile gesture one would expect from somebody who's beaten. Which, if anyone knows him, means he's *not* beaten. The Martian is up to something.
Tim eeks, and winces a little himself at the tug. "Sorry." he whispers, looking around to make sure the guards didn't notice. "anyone got a knife, or a hair pin or something?" he asks softly..
Bethany tries to get up and has no more luck than Penguin. "I don't even. My purse. My go bag... I never go anywhere without them." This must be a dream. "Hang on," She says to Tim as she pulls a long pin out of her hair. "Also might have something in my shoe, if this isn't too much of a nightmare."
Wildebeest takes a moment to clap Jar Jar on the back before the group is recaptured. As well as offer a smile and thumbs up to Doug when he comes in third. Though here comes the tubes again, and Wilde fights and growls being forced into a tube. Hey, that's how he came into this world... it's kinda messed up. Wilde snorts and huffs a bit, eyeing the shot puts. Wilde isn't always the sharpest spork in the drawer, but he's kinda watching Doug and the Martian as they go ahead of him. He seems to be counting... seeing how long it takes before they detonate. He hopes the timer is the same, so when it's his turn he uses the same tactic as he did when running. He leaps down the field, praying his large form can withstand any eldritch bolts that strike him, and pitches the 'Ball' with all his might right towards Spiral's head. "If you can dodge a wrench..." and then one of Spiral's bolts connect and blasts him back, Wilde land hard on his gold metal backside.
Penguin opens an umbrella and glances to the others gathered nearby, "In case of falling body parts. Wah wah wah!" Noticing the others are all having a 'good' time without him he turns to an alien with long tusks sitting nearby and says, "Who's that broad with the limbs?" He seems to have forgotten the alien and is staring hungrily at the six-armed beauty in the arena.
Zatanna's nostrils flare as she lets out a frustrated breath. She looks at the people trying to ungag her hopefully.
The guard grunts at Penguin. "Spiral. She'd wreck your day, little man with pointy nose."
Tim takes the hairpin from Bethany and nods his head softly, and takes a moment to examine the gag on Zatanna. Lockingpicking, hacking, computer slicing, and a great deal of other activities are all Tim's forte, but cybernetic duct tape might be beyond him. But hey...this is a dream right. Gotta give it the old Bat-try.
"I liked these shoes." Bethany takes one off--they are very nice shoes, black patent platform stilettos--and twists it sharply. The platform sole of this one was hiding a thin, slim blade and a coiled garotte wire. "Want any of this?" She offers them to Tim.
Tim doesn't comment on the hidden weapons, but reaches over and palms the blade and wire as he slides them over to his lap. "In like 10 seconds, see what you can do about a distraction." he whispers, studying the cybernetic duct tape a little more. Hrrm...thats gotta be a battery supply, and it looks like if I splice there, and use the garrote to ground it...the power supply should just cycle itself till it runs outta juice....maybe. It might explode, but hey...I always save the day in my dreams.
Penguin cheers are cut short by the guards dismissive response to his romanticisms, "I'll have you know I'm a gentlemen you overgrown ...." The string of obscenities punctuated by bits of spittle flying. "and who are you to judge my bedroom performance. It's not the size of the flipper, it's how you swim with it!!!" He turns back to the action, feathers obviously ruffled and notices what is going on beside him.
There's a gasp of air from the direction of the infirmary tent, and shortly after the gasp Deadpool is shoved awake and back onto the playing field. It's been a fun day for the man. He's been regularly exploded and speared through with javelins, and the pain is far from over. His black and red costume is in tatters, and his lack of teleportation device has resulted in a definite liability.
"It's okay! I'm alright! I'm just gonna...where am I? Oh! Olympics that's right..." He mumbles to himself as he's handed a shot put ball and shoved into the circle. "Oh! I know what this is! Check it out ladies and gentlemen! It's Fushiki time!" Deadpool sways in the circle and shows off his best tactile juggling moves while Spiral's magic bolts come down range. Dipping, ducking, and diving, he gets caught up in showing off until he starts to feel the shot put start to heat up.
.o( Deadpool? You don't want that thing.)o.
"What, you mean this thing's gonna blow up? This is like that American Gladiators thing where they dodge the tennis balls and--"
.o(No, Pooly, this is the shot put. Throw it)o.
"Shot put! Oh that makes a whole lot of sense now! Papa wants to be on the cover of a WHEATIES BOX!!!" The merc spins and throws the shot put as hard as he can, aiming for Spiral's forehead.
Bethany assesses the situation. Distraction. She pops open the other shoe. Damn, Christian is so fussy about putting these compartments in to begin with. He's going to give her what-for. Distraction is going to be blowing out the tiny battery pack in the other shoe. In reality, she'd try for throwing up or the boob flash but here, with her luck, the throwing up would be taking as a seduction technique and the boobs... she twists the right knob and discreetly drops the little thing... she's only got TWO so who cares?
In a few seconds, the little battery goes up with a surprisingly big pop and flash. Magnesium wrapper.
"Oh, a poor showing by Ramsey. He only throws the ball 10 feet, but he didn't get blown up or zapped! That's great isn't it folks!" the announcer announces. "He's kind of dreamy, isn't he?" the triple-breasted alien babe murmurs, propping her chin in her hand and twirling a purple lock of hair around one finger. Dangledooper's own collar zaps her and she sits bolt upright.
"Ahem, next up is the Manhunter. And his throw looks good! Boy, I don't really know Martian facial expressions, but does anyone else thing he's staring daggers at Spiral? His shot makes it a good 25 feet!" The crowd cheers for the effort.
"Next up is Wildebeest and he, why he's leaping in the air and aiming right for Spiral!" Spiral scowl and she rolls on the ground out of the way, narrowly being missed by the shot put. "His throw is 40 feet folks! He is in the lead in this event and, wait, I'm being told Deadpool is awake and, yes, there he is!" She pauses. "Look at him go. That thing is definitely going to explode if he doesn't...there it goes, right at Spiral! That's a throw of 50 feet!" ||WHAM!|| Spiral takes one to the forehead and goes down hard. She staggers back to her feet growling and trying to see straight. Way to go, Deadpool, now she'll never be able to hit Jar Jar.
"And now we have Jar Jar Binks once more. He doesn't seem to know what to do with the shot put folks." Jar Jar has the ball dumped into his hands and drops it on one big floppy foot. He yowls, yanks his leg up, and sends the ball soaring down the field just before it would have detonated. Spiral fires wildly, still confused by her concussion. The shot gets struck in mid-air by the bolt and blows up, showering the field, contestants, and dancer with debris. Spiral is carted off on a stretcher.
Dangledooper listens on her earpiece. "I believe the judges have ruled that the distance for Jar Jar's throw will be the point of detonation, so 12 feet. And with that, the tubes are coming down to take the contestants to their next event. The Pole Vault is a favorite of MojoTV viewers! Let's check on that part of the arena with my co-host, Cyber Pat Sajak. Pat?"
Yes, Pat Sajak had to sell his soul to Mojo to get off that damned gameshow. A robot is spinning that miserable wheel in his place, and putting up with Vanna and her big job of pointing at things. He looks fresh as a daisy here, well, from the waist up. From the waist down he has mechanical spider legs for his lower body. "Thank you Dangeldooper. The Polevault course is set, and Mimsy, the giant cyber Kraken, hasn't been fed in 3 days. She's plenty hungry and ready to snag some vaulters with her tentacles as they pass overhead!"
Penguin waits for the guard to move in the direction of the pop and closes his umbrella, prepared to trip him up as he passes. To himself, "Wah wah wah, go ahead and take the bait ya dumb boar so I can make you sausage."
The guard yelps at the mini burst, and he rushes in that direction, going arse over teakettle as he is tripped up by Penguin's umbrella. He sprawls in front of Bethany's chair.
As stunned as Doug is by what he's *pretty sure* he heard the announcer murmuring up there, seeing Spiral take a shot put to the face is enough to snap him back to reality. Dang. That looked like it hurt. "Nice shot," he calls towards Deadpool, before he does a double-take. Wait, Deadpool? Didn't he get eaten by the sharks? ... whatever. He's not one to judge a man for not staying dead.
As the tube comes for him again, Doug does something impulsive and, potentially, very stupid -- he grabs a shot put to take with him, and silently prays that it won't go off before he's able to be a safe distance from it.
Circus watches the guards investigate Penguin's perplexing popping. Then she quickly slinks down in her chair and makes with some popping of her own as she dislocates her shoulders and snakes out of her restraints. She she doesn't go anywhere after that though, and instead pushes herself back up to a sitting position, grimacing while she gets her body back in the normal arrangement. "Um...if we get out of the stands, does anyone have a way of getting us...out of uh. Here? I mean, where is here?"
Zatanna nods her head emphatically at Circus.
Tim pulls the icepack off his knee, ground the garrote through it and then wraps it a couple of times in a linen bandage. When the distraction occurs, he leans over, and whispers softly "Don't move!" to Zatanna as he slides the slim knife up to do his surgey. A quick snip, and a regrounding of the battery pack and...oh uh...the garrote wire isn't long enough to hide it....glancing at the guard one more Tim eeks a little and does the first thing that comes to mind. He shoves the wrapped ice back down the front Z's shirt. "Sorry." he mouths, looking apologetic. "Sorry if its cold. Whatever is holding it in place will run outta power in a bit. Just look natural."
Penguin stomps as hard as his tiny legs will allow on any part of the boar faced guard he can while yelling, "SHE MAY WRECK ME, BUT I'LL WRECK YOU!! WAH WAH WAH!" He continues to kick, stomp, and prod the guard with his umbrella hoping to at least incapacitate the oaf long enough to figure something out.. He is still strapped into his chair and there will no doubt be more guards soon.. "Make it snappy over there."
Zatanna's eyes get big as saucers and Robin can hear her SQUEAL from behind the gag as the icepack gets put someplace no icepack was meant to go. He is in SO MUCH TROUBLE! She knows his boss!
Bethany eyes the thing on the floor and grips her chair for leverage, then kicks it in the face with her heel. Hard.
Between Bethany and the Penguin, their guard is wholly unconscious now.
As the announcer's words ring in his ears, Doug is suddenly very, very happy he made that decision. Once he's on his feet again, he takes a moment to work out the logistics before he stuffs the shot put into his shirt, making sure it's securely tucked in, before he grabs the pole, bounces on his toes and takes off at a sprint. He plants the pole and goes up, up, up -- and over!
There's no way Doug is going to make it all the way across on his own, but that's why he drops the pole early and yanks the now-hot shotput from his shirt, hurling it desperately towards the kraken below. No quippy remark, though. He's too terrified.
Penguin cheers Bethany on with, "That's the spirit girl. GIve him another one for good measure. I'd do it myself but," he points at his short legs "I seem to be a bit far off."
||BOOM!|| Mimsy wails and curls up. She isn't likely to be able to grab jumpers too well now. Doug gets to the other side safely.
...and J'onn just realized what the guy did. See, this is why you don't judge people by their powers. For usefulness, that is. Assessment. The kraken has been appropriately dealt with. J'onn makes his own jump...not exactly gracefully. Apparently, pole vaulting is not part of Justice League training. Not that he can't do it...he just can't LOOK good doing it.
Tim blinks a few times, and then it seems to occur to him that he is actually wearing his mask. 'Uh...thats odd.' he thinks before he glances at Zatanna. "Sorry!" he whispers. "It only has 12 inches of slack....I had to hide it. Please don't turn me into a frog or anything." Wait a second...this is a dream right? Why am I apologizing in a dream. The pain in the boy's battered body is a little too real, and does that mean he just felt up the /real/ Zatanna!?! The boy pales. "I'm dead, aren't I?"
Wilde sits up with a cough, a lil smoke coming from his lips. Owwwww, Magic. No wonder Superman doesn't like that stuff. Wilde moves to his feet, shaking his head a little bit with a pbbbt to clear his head. And sigh, here comes the tube again and it's on to the next competion. He grumps a lil upon release, frowning some cause he didn't get to bean the crazy six-armed magic lady. Of course, since Wilde isn't ancient he has no clue what Wheel Of Fortune is. So just shrugs a bit at the banter from Cyber Pat Sajek and Spider-Legs Vanna White. Weirdos. Wilde grabs the pole for the polevault, and confued for a moment. Almost preparing to use it as a javelin, until he realizes what others are doing. "Oh.... duh." Wilde bonks himself in the forhead, and starts charging down the field with the polevault. Planting the pole and following Doug and J'onn up and over. Landing just past the bag on the otherside, his face planted against the ground. A soft groan following.
"YEAH SPIRAL!" Deadpool points, putting on his best street basketball mad-dog face. "You wanna catch some New York City Gangstas, you'd betta get some New York City Cops! Know what I'm sayin? IN YO FACE UNNNG!" Deadpool hip-thrusts towards Spiral and then points at her again. "Just like that! NNGG! NGGG! NNGG!" He continues to do it, making a little dance of it on his way over to the next event.
Hearing Ramsey call out, Deadpool turns his head and gives the kid a thumbs up. "Heyyyyyyyy! Good to see you alive and kickin' squirt! Hey! We'll talk on the other side of a line I'm workin here, otay Buckwheat?"
When it's his turn, he takes a few moments to inspect the pole. He balances it on the palm of his hand, pokes it into the ground a few times, hefts it like he's Shaka Zulu about to throw it like a spear. He claps his hands together and goes over to the bowl of talc and rubs it all over his arms and hands, casting suspicious glances at the announcer's booth. The time comes for him to vault. Sprinting forward, he plants the pole in and then at the VERY HEIGHT of his lunge, he yanks the pole out of its stick and flies with it through the air. Twisting and turning, he arcs his back and throws the pole as hard as he can towards Pat Sajak's neck. "Oh please please please let me cash in on that Trebek job!" He manages before he lands on the bag safely.
Penguin looks around and starts making mental notes, "This isn't a bad idea. A few explosions, a little sporting fun, spectators, add some thugs with guns, and viola. Sounds like something you and Bats would be good at, eh Robby? Wah wah wah!!"
Bethany is doing a quick assessment of the situation as she strips off her stockings and uses them to bind the guard's hands, after she pulls him to her with one foot hooked in his very slimy armpit. "This sucks," she says to Penguin, making a face. "How're we all doing?" She looks around at the other prisoners. Maybe she can get her belt undone with an underwire.
"Oh my, Mimsy is hurt by that very clever, very naughty, Cypher. Mind you, he shouldn't have been underestimated, but Mojo is very displeased. All of our contestants make it across without the tentacles waving around to snatch them into the kraken's maw," Dangledooper announces. After J'onn and Wilde make it safely across, she eyes Deadpool, "And the Merc is up and, what is he doing? OH NO PAAAAAT!" She yells like it's bad but she's smiling. She hates that guy. Cyber Sajak gets impaled with the pole. "Ouch, looks like Pat will need a few more cyber parts after that throw from Deadpool. And look! Mimsy seems to be perking up again, just in time for Jar Jar's try."
Binks is handed the pole. He's watched the others. He tries to do what they did. Flippity Flop go his ears. Flappity Flip go his feet. He plants the pole and goes up, up, up...||WHAM!||
Mimsy grabs him with one flailing tentacle and yanks the most hated alien in the multiverse down into her toothy maw below ground.
"And Jar Jar is out of the competition folks! We're down to the four Terrans now, as they are delivered to the high jump!" Dangledooper turns her head with the camera towards two ten foot high poles. Instead of a crossbar at the top, there is a laser beam, projected from a ball-shaped widget set on top of one post. "And that laser bar is set high enough to cut through just about anything folks. In 2008 we lost all but two competitors to this event, which is why it was moved to last this time!" Here come the tubes again.
Penguin cheers, "THAT IS WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS MORE OF! SEA CREATURES EATTING STUPID ALIENS! WAH WAH WAH!!""
Penguin turns back to Bethany and in a calm voice says, "You know those stockings looked better on you, love. Wah wah wah!"
BRRRSSSSSZZZZZZ! The gag's battery is beginning to hypercycle, draining it's power supply, just a few more minutes and it might be dead. Zatanna is glaring at Robin. Oh yes, oh yes dead will be a kindness.
Between Bethany stripping while doing sexy ninja stuff and feeling up Zatanna, this is certinally looking like one of Tim's dreams. But why is the Penguin here....maybe the Joker did some brain damage. Well, now that the guard is out Tim looks at Zatanna sheepishly..."want me to pull it back out?"
Pretty sure Robin doesn't need to read body language to translate Zatanna's resultant look to FUCK NO.
Circus watches all the action around her, which is much better than the nastiness on the field. Poor Jar Jar. She loved that guy. She puts her hands to her head and rocks up to her feet, "Oh god. Make the world stop spinning. Are we going to get that thing off her? She says she can get us out of here, and that is what I'm looking for." Looking from the stripping Bethany over to Robin and Zatanna, she steps forward and looks like she's going to stuff her hand into Zatanna's top to get out the cold metal bits. But she pauses and groans, "Sorry. I guess I don't know you well enough for that."
Penguin thinks this is one of the best dreams he's had in a long time. If Batman were down there getting blown up or a deathmatch between him and the Boy-Wonder would be better.
Again with the tubes! Ugh. Doug's severely disappointed with this maniac's glass elevators. It seemed way cooler in the movies.
While Dangledooper sets up the next event for the spectators, Doug pauses and squints towards the poles. More specifically, the beam running between them. "We can use this," he says quietly, mostly to himself. He takes a quick look around, considering the people trapped with him, before he takes off at a run towards the high jump.
But Doug doesn't jump. No, Doug scrambles his way up one of the poles as fast as he can, and surprisingly well, considering his lack of powers. Once he manages to clamber his way up to the top, he latches onto the ball-shaped projector and wrenches it as hard as he can. With a little luck, he can get that pesky collar off of the Martian Manhunter's neck *without* hurting him in the process. "Head's up!"
Bethany gives the Penguin a cold side eye. "You are a strange, strange little man." She pops a button on her red silk blouse to get at the underwire of her... well, all the gentlemen will look away before they catch a flash of red silk bra. "I would really like to wake up about now. Where's my rocket launcher when I need it?"
Penguin "Wah wah wah! Baby, I was born this way!!" The Penguin laughs at his own joke, slapping his knee, and even wheezing a bit between over exaggerated laughter.
And...opportunity. The collar...falls to the ground. Immediately, the Manhunter reaches out with his mind. Let's see. Does fat guy have any mental protections at all? Anything that would prevent J'onn from finding out what he really has in mind, what their means of escape was. Oh yes...J'onn doesn't normally read minds. Under these circumstances? Ethics go out of the window. He also doesn't jump. He stands there, turning slightly towards Mojo. Is he smiling?
Why, yes he is smiling...right before he sends a mental blast radiating out towards the guards on the field. "Time to end this game."
Robin turns bright red as Bethany starts stipping and does look away. But which way to go...cold deadly stares from breast of fresh air that is Zatanna in one direction, or bright red hotty bra goodness in the other. Oh look...some kinda sporting event going on...yeah...please be a dream please be a dream the boy mutters as he cross he good leg over his bad one and tries to think about baseball.
Poor Wilde. He's just recovering as Jar Jar gets snagged by a flailing tentacle and eaten, the poor red-furred teen watches in horror. And then throws his head back and growls, offering a cry of "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" to the heavens. Darth Vader, eat your heart out. And then here comes the tubes and they're transported to the next event. Wilde growling and beating on the tube from the inside. -- And then Doug's being a hero and freeing the 'Green Guy'. If only Jar Jar hadn't died so senselessly. But now that the others are fighting back, Wilde likewise joins the fray. Though his focus isn't on the guards, it's on the poor spectators. Wilde offers a beastial growl and charges, leaping towards the transparent steel and bringing his powerful fists down... hoping to smash through and into the stands.
Bethany tweaks the underwire out, pulls off the silicone cap with her teeth, and tries to convince the strap of her belt to part from the buckle. Nickel-titanium alloy is handy sometimes. Space shuttles and good push-ups. "I really want to go home," she mutters. "Alex is going to kill me."
Deadpool is so happy he's about to cry. Not only has he finally found a way to cash in on a FAT Pat Sajak contract, but he's witnessed the death of Jar Jar Binx. Ever-taunting, he points to the announcer's booth. "Oh hey, Pat Sajak??? I'd like to buy a vowel. How about an OOOOOOooohhh!?" He then waves to Dangledooper. "You were great in Total Recall, baby." He puts his thumb and finger to his ear in the classic 'call me' pose. "Tres boobs is yay boobs. I mean, three boobs? B'boo'boobs and I'm a Ricky Ricardo." He trails off, slapping his hands in front of him like he's playing the bongo drums.
It's around this time that Deadpool gets lost in his own imagination. He's walking down the inside of one of the many inner sanctums of Mars. All about are three-breasted women in various skimpy outfits. They all LOVE him, why? Because Deadpool's their hero. What's best is that every one of them is offering a 100 percent discount for trade in services because he's got the Austrian accent that makes the ladies go cra---
Deadpool wanders directly into the beam, which severs the necklace around his neck but also digs a severe hole into the side of his neck. The nearby area becomes sickening with the stench of burnt hair and skin. Gagging on his own pain, Deadpool stumbles away while the wound seals up. "Hey! Bonus round time! Ramsey! Cut me some pathage!" He calls out, rushing for the announcer's stand.
Penguin says, "And hell breaks loose in the arena! Wah Wah Wah! At least they got that damned alien before it got outa hand."
Chopped Liver Circus watches Robin's situation, then turns away and shakes her head. But that's when she gets a look at Bethany squirming and struggling with her bra. "Do all your clothes disassemble and have gadgets? You are like James West from that old TV show...but with boobs." She then looks over at Penguin briefly before asking, "So, do we get to leave Penguin here when we bust out? His laughing is really annoying Wah Wah Wah!"
"And there goes Cyphe- er - what is he doing? He's climbing one of the high jump poles and, uh oh," Dangledooper has been with Mojo long enough to know this is where things go horribly, horribly wrong and the kidnappees run rampant and wreak havoc on the kidnappers. She begins edging back from her table. "Looks like the Martian is free and, that isn't going to be good for anyone."
Alarms go off all over the arena. Mojo and Major Domo's viewing bubble ports out. The officials and guards grab weapons and turn on the remaining athletes and a group of spectators who seem to have gotten out of their restraints. Dangledooper flees through a portal with one last call of "Cypher you're so handsome!"
The guards go down like so much dead weight under J'onn's telepathic assault.
Wilde's leap shatters the barrier between the stands and the field, breaking the barriers that were limiting the spectators powers too.
Doug will have to reflect on being called handsome by a three-breasted alien woman later. Right now, he's busy zapping away the last of the restraints, giving himself a moment to rub his neck before the stench makes him realize he cut Deadpool free a little more closely than anticipated. Ooops. Also, gross.
The least he can do to make it up to the Merc with a Mouth, Doug figures, is to use the laser to help take out the guards and enable the others to help rescue the people up in the stands. He had better, because he's pretty sure that guy would hold a grudge, and Doug's luck states that he'd figure out some way to follow him home.
Penguin fixes Circus with a look that says 'ouch,' "I'd be glad to stay behind if you stay with me. Wah wah wah! Come by the Iceberg Lounge and have a drink anytime. Not you, Robin." He turns back to regard the field and it's inhabitants once more. His umbrella going underneath his arm, his nose in the air.
Up in the stands, the cybernetic gag that was keeping Zatanna from speaking gets shorted out from Robin's ingenuity. She rips off the defunct Mojo-duct tape and hauls the icepack out of her top. She spits the taste of tape out of her mouth, wipes the back of her hand across it, then narrows her eyes. The mage concentrates, organizing her thoughts, then translating them into her peculiar backwards speech. The last thing she remembers was the mail arriving at the Hall Of Justice, which was at 2 PM. Both hands raise above her head, fingertips curling inwards as she stretches her body, focusing her mystic energies. "Dnes enoyreve ot eht noitacol yeht erew ta noon tse yadot!" she casts.
There is a balance wrenching, slightly nauseating feeling as everyone is wrenched through space magically. When they recover from the disorientation they find themselves back home, on Earth, wherever they were at noon EST. Was it real? Was it a dream? It couldn't be a dream unless they were sleepwalking back to where they were at noon for the last 6 hours. It's now 8 PM. The Mistress of Magic finds herself sitting in Lieutenant Mitchell's lap at the Hall of Justice. It's his monitoring shift, and she'd been sitting there at noon. Oops.
A charging Wildebeest smashing the glass in front of you does the trick that baseball couldn't. The Teen Wonder sobers up pretty quick and shields himself from the raining bits of glass. Then Zatanna does her thing and ZAP! Robin snaps his eyes open, back in a bed in the Batcave, recovering from his wounds. He looks around a moment, blinking and glancing at the clock. "What the hell just happened?" he asks outloud.
Bethany is back in a distressingly quiet luxury apartment in the German embassy. Home away from home away from home. The clock says she's lost hours. She's clutching what's left of her shoes and her clothes, feeling foolish and suddenly wishing she were back wherever she just was. It would be better than the creeping dread she feels right now. "Alex?" Her voice bounces around the dining room. No answer, but she knows he's nearby. She wasn't afraid before, but she is now. "Alex, I'm sorry."
Penguin is sitting once more in the Iceberg Lounge, still looking defiant his glass of scotch sitting on the desk in front of him, the ice melted. He walks to a nearby table and pours himself a new drink.
Where was J'onn at noon? Answer...sitting eating lunch on a park bench. In a different form. The park bench...now has a bum on it. That's almost as bad as Zatanna's situation...and he departs followed by a string of curses. Well. It beats being trapped in Wackyland.
Circus reappears by the trash can where she had found that burger earlier. She wasn't quite as hungry now as she'd been back then, and she was a lot more clear headed. She looks at where she found her last meal and turns to try and heave it up, but lucky here, she can't puke on demand. She instead does some coughing. Once she recovers she spies the nearby Burger Barn that she had been trying to stumble towards before. Goal in hand, she sets off.
"---ravel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party..." The lyrics sing while the closing credits travel up the screen. Yes, Golden Girls is ending as a series of clips from previous episodes share the screen with a list of names no one cares about.
Deadpool is sitting in a reclining chair, surrounded by weapons crates. His mask is up over his mouth, which allows him to eat from the bucket of Popeye's Chicken in his lap. Chicken breast in one hand, he blinks and looks around. Something's wrong. Sure, he was //just// watching the Golden Girls and eating a bucket of chicken, but why does he feel all of the sudden like he should be doing something Pat Sajak-y? Is Sajak-y a useable adverb in scrabble? All these thoughts and more cross his mind as the theme music to his favorite TV show plays.
The TV shatters in an explosion of glass and wood as the .45 caliber bullet travels from the smoking barrel of Deadpool's brand new gold-plated 'La Raza' pistol. Deadpool has, despite his better judgment, just shot his tea.
"Oh no you don't, Pat Sajak." Deadpool's eyes narrow at the TV. He reaches into his pocket and speed dials his agency contacts. "Yeah. Yeah, it's me, pinhead. Get me the information on the Trebek contract."
And where was Wildebeest at noon? At the Toys R Us in New York with an arm load of new action figures. So of course, now he's popping into the store growling and about ready to smash a giant stuffed animal through the face with a giant clawed fist. Kid are going wide-eyed, and a few start crying. And Wilde quickly shifts back to his teen form and nervously toescuff. "Sorry." His shoulders and ears droop a bit, as he sheepishly heads for the exit.