|EVENT: Crash Landing|
|What: Rocket Raccoon is a smash hit when he arrives on Earth. Warning: mild language.|
In the pale blue sky, the moon is a thin crescent barely visible and next to it something glitters like an early evening star. It is, however, slightly reddish to be the usual stars that might emerge early. If one watches long enough, it doesn't hold constant relative to the moon, either. It wavers, bobs, and grows brighter.
Sam just wanted to get away from civilization. Away from people. Unfortnately, that's harder than it sounds when one has friends. He's trying not to be frustrated, pretending that he's on his own out here. He's crested a rise and is getting his bearings when he sees the glitter. Satellite, maybe. He can't shoot it from here so he has to wait. He tugs irritably at the necklace mostly hidden under his shirt and waits to see what comes.
Nature. Spider-Girl has /issues/ with nature. It's all... nature-y. Just her luck that life keeps thrusting her smack dab into the middle of trees and bugs and... and /stuff/.
Spider-Girl is at least sort-of-okay with the circumstances today. She's trailing along behind Sam -- yes, she is on a /nature hike/ in full costume, do not judge her. She perches in a tree a short ways from him, making a curious noise before following his gaze. Hm. Hmmmmm.
"Fifty bucks says it's another one of Zen's friends," Spider-Girl calls towards Sam. She does not have fifty bucks. Deal with it.
Why's Deadpool along? Screw you, that's why. He's Deadpool! He does crossover comics all the time. He's the crossover king. ‘’And since Marvel picked me as their poster child, everyone wants to do crossovers into /my/ series. I know, I know, it's like having Wolverine along. Except I'm way better smelling! And funnier. And better than Wolverine at whatever it is Wolverine does. Also, maybe I like nature hikes.’’
Seriously, though, Deadpool is either really bored, or has some really weird reason for tagging along on this hike. Because he just kind of popped out of nowhere and started following along. He's wearing his normal red costume, along with hiking boots and rolled down socks, cargo shorts, and a big backpacker's backpack. It looks like it's full of jerky and snackpacks. And a lot of ammunition. Also, for some reason, his entire ensemble of high-powered weapons, katanas, pistols, grenades, knives... uhh... and a bunch of other stuff.
"I like Zen," he comments, popping a handful of Peanut M&Ms into his mouth and chewing noisily. "He's funny! Wish he could have stuck it out with the team. I think he just didn't have the backbone to do real work. You know- torchin' orphanages, and all that."
Laura is in her element. This is what comes of taking a Feral Mutant out for nature walks. She keeps ranging outward and popping back. Like right now, she glides out of a pair of bushes with a quiet rustle, poking Deadpool's side. "Want a bullhorn? I think there's a sleeping bear the next mountian over that didn't hear that." Look at her, learning to snark. She's spending too much time with Anya.
Rory Regan isn't sure what brought him to the mountains....scratch that he knows what brought him, he's not sure why. But when the Ragman suits decides to come out of the closet and send the wearer to somewhere, there is much choice in the matter. This time it sent him to the mountains and he has no idea why, it's not like there are many people here that need his brand of justice. But hey the suit sends him here, and he has to make the best of the bad situation. And guess what The Ragman hears voices, so that means people. Maybe they are the reason he's here, could be a pack of serial killers that hide here or something! Or the souls in the suit could have decided to mess with him again. So once he figures out where the sound is coming from, Ragman starts to head towards them to see what is going on.
It's only one serial killer! And that's cause I was going for a killstreak reward!
Meanwhile... aboard that first "star" which is really a small ship of some unknown alien design... the pilot is swearing in a variety of alien languages. As the communications equipment explodes in his face, his attempts to contact what's chasing him earning nothing but weapons fire. It's kinda like Star Wars, the first one... /no/ the good first one! With the smaller ship being chased by something larger. The pilot is shockingly a humanoid raccoon, who sprays the console with fire retardant chemicals and tries to locate a soft spot to land... err, crash. "Boring conversation anyway." He mutters to himself, as he grabs the controls. Anyone observing the ship's descent would almost assume that Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson was flying her. Well, the pilot /was/ incoherantly swearing. Especially as the ship scrapes the side of a mountain, ripping off one of it's thrusters and crash lands. It skidding to a stop in a heavily wooded section of the mountains. Of course, that's not the only thing coming down.
There's the standard boiling smoke and flying sparks, shrieking metal and crashing rocks. The space ship crashing was impressive. More impressive, though, is what's coming along behind it. It looks humanoid, glossy and purple and silver--it's also thirty feet tall. Its feet are alight with fire, as is its right hand. It sweeps through the sky above the crash site and fires the built-up energy from around the hand, ripping a crater in the earth and rolling the ship downward.
Then, it begins to speak in a voice that rolls off the mountains. "This is Kree Sentry 1913. You will surrender yourself for processing. You have been marked for justice."
Sam swears. A lot for the average person... for Sam it's as though he's been overtaken by the ghost of Carlin. He takes off like a shot. Whoever's in the ship counts as a refugee for now and Sam's not having any of this 'arresting people on US' soil nonsense. That he's just taken off after a thirty-foot tall space robot doesn't seem to have registered.
"Hey, justice this," he shouts, slamming a few energy blasts at the robot.
Spider-Girl /would/ say something to Deadpool and Laura, but... Sam. Sam is not acting himself and it's weirding her /out/. "Come on, we better go make sure he doesn't blow First Contact," she calls, before she takes off after the human Cannonball.
And... there he is, plowing into a giant space robot. Oh. Oh, good. This is Spider-Girl's life. Ugh. Ugh forever. While Sam gets into a fight, /she/ swings over towards the other crashed ship to see what all the hubub's about. "Knock knock?" she calls, peering around and trying to find something vaguely door-ish. "Candygram?"
"No sense of style," Deadpool comments to no one in particular. "Justice this? What kind of catchphrase is that? That's like.... I don't know. So 1998." He shakes his head, unslinging his backpack and calmly digging through it. "People don't take this seriously anymore. Heroing used to be fun- then it got gritty, and serious. I /like/ gritty and serious. Batman? Batman was awesome." He produces several cylinders and clips them together, simultanesouly putting on his bandloier and combat harness. Knives and so on get strapped to convenient locations.
"That whole 'Dark Knight' phase. And then when Spiderman went through his whole... thing, you know? It was all blood and kidnappings and Aunt May getting kidnapped." He sighs, going through the lengthy process of arming himself. "And the Punisher! He had that whole 90s Robocop thing where a guy got violently blown up at least once a week. Even Superman killed someone." He sighs, straightening up from his bag. He's armed to the teeth- headsets, katanas, knives, swords, pistols, grenades, more grenades, belt pouch, bandolier, two automatic weapons, battle rifle, sniper barrel, and what looks like an insanely oversized futuristic battle cannon.
"Also- and I'm just tossing this out there- the odds of this happening are just so insane," he mutters, hiking up the hill towards a good firing vantage. "Oh look, we're all out for a walk and just bumble into a Kree Sentinel? I don't even know what one of those /are/, but man, this is like... Deus Ex Machina to the /max/."
There is a lengthy period where Laura just sort of stares at Deadpool, puzzled, while he goes off on his ramble. At least she doesn't seem to be interested in her trying to interact with the long babbling brook of words. Eventually, she just... wanders... that way. Over there. Where--
Laura hears the ship long before anyone actually spots the thing, herself included. As such, she's already off and running an intercept well in advance, though unlike... everyone else, she pauses at the last tree before the crash site to take it all in, sniffing the air and itlting her head. She does not trust strange crashed things. Or weird robots, though Sam seems to have that handled. But even wrecked, laura doesn't recognize the craft, and given her thorough and awful training in that sort of thing, the fact she doesn't bothers her. "Careful. I don't like this. At all," she informs Spider-Girl and Sam from a bit of a distance, circling the Kree sentinel. Sam usually gets things in one shot, but... This stuff smells weird. Like Zen does.
WTF? Crashing, Giant Robot Thingy...this a far cry from absorbing the souls of the evil, and running a pawn shop by day. Rory starts to mutter to himself, "Really? I'm here to fight a giant robot? Some of you guys in the suit managed to find a way to get some vodka or something." Drunk souls, be afraid be very afraid. But any way he goes charging off towards the giant robot thingy, since it looks the the crashed ship has enough people. Still not sure what he can do against giant robot thingy, but gotta do something right.
Rocket smashes into the cockpit 'window' with a groan as he crashes. And for a moment, it might look like one of those suction cup stuffed animals you see in the back of cars if anyone happens to look. Rocket sliding to the floor a moment later. His gloved hands grabbing for his space helmet before the blast from the Kree Sentry causes the ship to roll down a small cliff and land upside down, the front screen shattering and spitting out a small pilot onto the ground. Of course... everyone might be focused on the giant freaking robot of doom!
"You flarking Tin Moron! I told you... my record's been expunged. So much for 'Kree Intelligence'!" Rocket shouts at the Sentry, though it certainly work inside the ship. Thankfully the arrival of locals might even the odds a bit. Or at least distract the damn thing while he grabs a party favor from the shuttle. Wait... hold up a tick. There's a talking Raccoon in a space suit? Or did everyone suddenly get a contact high from Deadpool?
The Sentry pauses in its attack on the ships when Sam's blasts hit it. The hits leave pockmarks in the shiny skin that seem to heal as soon as they're visible. It glances down at its body where the blasts hit and its eyes glow greenish-gold as it gains altitude again.
"Attack on a Sentry is a criminal offen--bzzt-sssst. Assessment: energy weapons, Class B. Restricted weapon. Kree Sentry 1913, returning fire." It lifts a hand and blasts Sam with a column of pure red light.
Sam's shielding lights up like a firestorm and the blast blows him back down into the woods and down the mountainside. He cuts a swatch through the trees, terrifies small animals, blazing all the way down... it's like a cut scene from Bambi.
The Sentry returns to hover in Ragman's path. "Cease and desist. You are interfering with the lawful arrest of a wanted criminal."
That. That is a raccoon. Spider-Girl is actually so stunned by this that she does not initially see Sam get sent rocketing off into the woods by the sentry. It's. It's a raccoon. "Good guy?" she hazards, pointing towards Rocket, before she turns to point towards the sentry. "And... bad guy? Okay. Got it. ...where'd Sam go?"
Oh, he'll be fine. Spider-Girl cracks her knuckles before she goes sprinting for the giant robot, firing a line of webbing towards one of its ankles. "You guys ever seen Empire Strikes Back?"
"Absolutely no sense of style. Charging in to bite at his ankles. When- courtesy of the incredibly awesome Lunair- I happen to have a hyperkinetic plasma accelerator cannon." He squints down the sighting mechanism, aiming for where the jubblies would be on the Sentinel's groin. Alien superrobot or not, no-one likes getting shot in the danglies.
Deadpool pulls the trigger and the plasma cannon doesn't so much go 'FWHOOOM' as one might expect. It's more like
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMNNNMMAMMANANANANANNANANANAAA KEW SPLORTZ!
Deadpool hoots and hollers as the cannon fires. "Oh my GOD! This thing is AWESOME!" he screams at no on in particular. He goes running after Spider-girl. "Didja see? Didjadidjadidja-"
There's a moment as Deadpool spots Rocket Raccoon disembarking from his ship. The poor guy. The poor, helpless, adorable little guy! "It's... it's like Ranger Rick's cute outer space cousin!" he cries. "And he's HURT! HANG ON, LITTLE GUY! I'M COMING!" he screams, running past Spider-girl.
"For the record? I think the Return of the Jedi would be a better tactical plan against giant two-legged walkers. Jus' sayin'!" he adds, all in one breath.
Okay, so. Laura may be wary of robots from outer space, but that changes when you blast her friends. Sam goes carrening off, and Laura takes a flying leap. She, at least, is quiet about it, save for the >SNKT< of handclaws when she goes for a landing on the thing's shoulders. She doesn't know a lot about alien robots. She does know that sticking adamantine claws into things repeatedly stops almost ANYTHING, though, and makes with the repeated stabbings. She'll probably hit something vital eventually, right?
SNKT? Wolvie does SNKT. You need new onomotopoeia, lady. Maybe snicker-snack! or KSSH-SHNK!
Uhm, giant robot thingy is actually talking to him and look people are actually fighting it, maybe he should as well. "Sorry but well the suit doesn't say the thing is evil." And he doesn't trust anything without a soul! Except for clones, clones are totally cool in his book. Anyway the suit kind of unravels itself and Rory ends up above Robot. Where he falls and aims a punch at the things head, channeling the souls for extra strength.
Rocket Raccoon eyes the natives, who are rushing to his defense. Including the strange red-clad one that's rushing at him. Rocket backs up a few steps and his hands snap to his holsters, a pair of chromed laser pistols yanked free... one pointed towards the Kree Sentry and the other at Deadpool. Rocket has dealt with the insane, you might say that it's what he was born for. Or made for. Long story..... we'll sum up later. Rocket first a couple of blasts off at the Kree Sentry, though his pistols are likely no match for it's armor. As the humanoids seem to be busy with the Kree Sentry, Rocket turns to head back in shattered window of his shuttle. One blaster pistol still pointed back towards Deadpool, just in case. One has to wonder if any of the raccoon wildlife is screwing with the Sentry's sensors. "Keep it busy!"
The Sentry does not, in fact, appreciate a shot to the jubblies. The weapon rips open the Sentry's mid-section, nearly removing one of its legs. "Sentry 1913, taking fire. Class A weapon detected." It sways and creaks. Its metal flesh attempts to reform but it's very slow.
Then Ragman comes down on it like a ton of... well, souls. Souls are weighty, in their way, and the balance shifts. "Systems down. Require assistance," the Sentry whines. The weak leg slowly gives way and it topples, letting off a blast in the direction of the crashed ship. "Resetting weapons," it mutters.
"You god---- mother------- son of a ----- ---- sucking ----faced two-dollar -----," Sam spews, shooting back out of the grave-like trench where he was buried. His adrenaline is high, he's furious, and he's more than a little... out of sorts. When he comes roaring back, his shields and fire are shades of red and blue, not gold, and he's pouring sparks like a roman candle. He's lucky in that he's not really aiming when he punches a blast of energy at the Sentry but he manages to aim for the chest, nowhere else.
"Jedi? We can do Jedi!" Spider-Girl decides, firing a line of webbing off into the trees and hauling herself up and out of the way as the sentry topples over. A moment later, she comes swinging right back out, bellowing a bad Tarzan yell at the top of her lungs before she releases the line and drops straight for the robot's gun arm. A THWIP sends more webbing down to try and latch onto the weapon so she can keep a bead on it even if it swings out of the way, assuming it's a good hit. "Stop! Shooting! My! FRIENDS!"
"It's ok, little buddy"! Deadpool says, waving his arms frantically at Rocket Raccoon in gestures of peace, love, and affection. He charges forward without stopping, arms extending outwards in the traditional bonds of grabby friendship. "I'll protect you forever! Look! I have this giant plasma cannon! I'll blow it up for you!" He aims the giant plasma cannon at Rocket, showing how incredibly awesome and blower uppy it is. "And we'll go on adventures and you'll teach me the ways of the forest and we'll have a hit TV show- Pooly and the Raccoon! We can be psychic detectives!"
Laura can keep it busy, all right. She doesn't stick around up top-- her claws retract after a couple of strikes then she drops to the ground behind the sentry and sweeps a foot, crouching low and letting the kick go high. Lots of the robots she's encountered are based on organic anatomy. Her toe-claw >SNKT<s out as she performs the robotic equvalent of a hamstringing. It's worth a shot. She knows killing people better than robots, to be honest.
See Rory helped to topple the thing, he did good! Okay now he just doesn't know what to do after landing on giant robot thingy. "Uhm, anyone else that this thing is sending out a call for help?" Hey, when you're on top of the thing you hear stuff like that. Rags doesn't even know who he's talking to really, heck maybe he's talking to himself. Oh wait talking to himself, that's a good idea, "Any of guys have a background in robotics or electrical engineering." He sighs as he leaps off the toppling robot, "Really not a single one of you, we need to find some evil guy that is good with that stuff!"
Rocket Raccoon offers a soft hiss at Deadpool, especially when he gets a lil too... 'invade my territoryish'. He does poke his head back out the broken front window of his ship to eye the offered plasma cannon. A little fuzzy brow going up as he holsters his guns and rubbed his chin. And then he smirks, if one can read Rocket's face well enough. "That? That's not a gun...." Rocket grunts just a bit as he hefts something from off the floor..., err.... ceiling of the ship. He even has to smash out the rest of the window as he slides back out.
The cute fuzzy wuzzy raccoon, now packing a huge gun. We're talking a gun that would be huge in the Hulk's hand. It's probably 2x larger than Rocket, and there's a soft grunt of strain as he hefts it. It's not something one would find on earth, unless it was a prop in some sci-fi movie. Say hello to 'Lylla', aka a cold fusion powered phasic cannon. Is the Raccoon compensating for something? Is it wise to ask?
"That's a gun." And yes, Rocket actually did something of a Paul Hogan Crocodile Dundee impression. Weird. Ragman's comments earn a bit of a laugh. "I find total molecular dispersal aka 'Blowing the flarking thing up' to work pretty well."
Sam's blast widens the hole in the Sentry's chest and sparks fountain forth. The Sentry is definitely compensating, amazingly still functional, but healing slowly. It rips through Spider-Girl's webbing and targets Laura as she manages to cut into its metal skin, blasting her with the same force it used to hit Sam.
"Kree Sentry 1913 reporting malfunction in healing protocols. Require assistance," it grinds out as it tries to get back to its feet.
Its eyes light up again. "Unable to withstand assault. Planet deemed perilous. Initiating emergency procedures. Arming Mega-Bomb." Its chest opens a portal that also begins to glow greenish gold.
Well, that's just not good. Sam says a couple uncharitable things and is about to hit the Sentry again when he thinks the better of it. "Back off." He comes swooping in to snag anyone who looks like they can't take at least a good swat from a bomb going off... whatever kind of bomb a mega-bomb is. "What's a mega-bomb anyway?" he asks, heading for Ragman. "Like, a Lindsay Lohan movie?"
Well, crap. Spider-Girl lands on the ground and /not/ the gun-arm like she had intended, scowling irritably up at the robot. "Cheater," she declares, quickly launching another line up webbing up towards Laura, trying to pull her out of the way of the blast just in case Sam doesn't get to her first.
And... oh. Oh dear. "I HATE PORTALS!" Spider-Girl bellows, sprinting up to swing a completely ineffectual kick at the sentry's ankle. YOU ARE A BAD ROBOT AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD. ...and then she turns and starts hoofing it back towards Deadpool and the raccoon. "Hey! Raccoon guy! Mega-Bombs are bad, right? Vape away!" MUST ACHIEVE SAFE DISTANCE FROM IMMINENTLY-VAPORIZED GIANT ROBOT. ... What even is her life.
Deadpools' been blown up before. Many times! By way uglier guys than this Kree Sentinel jackarse. He looks at Rocket Raccoon, then hoists his plasma cannon up to his shoulder. "I hate robots. But, more importantly, I have a working knowledge of explosives. Bombs don't go off so good unless you /set them off right/." He makes some quick adjustments to the plasma cannon. "I hope that tuba makes some noise, little buddy. I'ma see if I can't get a note out of this trombone." Deadpool zeroes the weapon on what looks like it might be a power conduit relay for the portal (like he has any idea what one of those is, but whatever, it looks like its important) and puts a finger on the firing stud.
alalalalalaalalalalalalallaALALALALLALABAAAQUERQEE KA SPLORZ!!!!!!
Laura is fast, agile, and has great reaction times. This all comes in handy with Kree energy blasts. She *mostly* manages to twist out of the way, with the resul that the beam manages to only shear off the back of her faded yellow hoodie and tear up her back pretty good. Anyone else and the damage would be horrific. Burns, lost skin, muscle damage, maybe even some bone getting torn up. As it is... yes, it is that bad, but her body is already knitting itself back together within seconds-- and her pain tolerance is simply ridiculous, letting her keep her feet with a snarl of pained rage.
Of course, it's not getting an outlet, because while Laura's distracted with the injury, Spider-Girl yanks her out of harm's way with a startled yelp.
Hey Ragman was in Vietnam, he knows what to do when he hears things about Mega-Bombs, and it's simple run away! He starts running as fast the souls will carry him, "It's a Lohan movie, directed by Uwe Boll." That is definitely a mega bomb there! "Do we know how big a blast radius this Mega Bomb is goingt o have?"
"I'd get down... or whatever!" Rocket calls out to everyone, as he steadies his stance. The length of his gun glowing brighter by the moment as it charges up to fire. "Unless you want a permanent suntan!" They'd end up looking like 'Tan Mom', or worse. ROcket can't help but grin at Deadpool, offering him a light nod. Right before he first Rocket kicks off the ground with his rocket skates, using their thrust to comensate for the force of the discharge from the huge cannon. Everyone can likely feel the huge dispersal of energy in the air as it explodes out from the end of the gun, along with Deadpool's blast enveloping the Kree Sentry. There's not going to be enough left of the Sentry to fill a small tissue box in Area 51.
That's a very, very big gun. Two big guns, in fact. The Kree is entirely engulfed in a rising golden sphere that meets an arcing red-gold shield--Sam's--and turns hot white as it's contained. When the light fades, there's nothing but a black circle burned into the earth and stone. Not even a scrap of metal glitters on the ground. It's all been incinerated.
Sam drops his shields with a muttered complaint and shakes his hands as though they hurt. "That... I give up." He looks at Anya. "We should never go anywhere together again."
When a talking raccoon with a big gun and a spaceship tells you to get down, you do it. Spider-Girl hits the dirt and covers her head with her arms for good measure as the two beams of energy launch from Rocket and Deadpool's cannons, and she only lifts her head to peek around when she hears Sam talking. She twists in place enough to look back at the robot, and... crater. Smoke. Huh.
"I'm starting to think you're right," Spider-Girl tells Sam, making a face as she clambers back up to her feet. "The hell. We are a magnet for weird. I guess it could be worse, right?" She peers towards Rocket and Deadpool, adding, "Thanks for... well, I assume saving the planet. Aliens usually make 'mega-bombs' at planetary scale, right?"
Deadpool is comically burned by the counterblast. Black lines sear his face, his clothing, and soot covers him. He blinks several times and looks down at Rocket Raccoon. "You're reckless, irresponsible, and insane. You can be my wingman any time," he assures the dimuntive, heavily armed creature.
Laura, once she's hit the deck and subsequently got her feet back under her and verified the threat is toast, makes unhappy noises and tries to look over her shoulder as skin starts shedding off her back under the auspices of a healing factor going full-tilt. "Ow," she comments vaguely, realizing that a normal person would have complained about this amount of pain. Of course, since normal people would have passed out by now, the effect is somewhat comically understated. "What was that?" As usual, the obvious and direct question of the moment comes from Laura.
Okay Rags still doesn't even know what's going on, but he knows that something is bad when he hears someone yell get down. So like a good little soldier he dives for cover, and well sees a flash of light. The Giant Robot is no more after that. "Okay so anyone know what the heck is going on?" He still wants to know why the stupid suit brought him here at that.
Rocket cuts the power on his rocket skates, landing carefully and taking a few steps before planting a great big smooch on the side of his huge honkin' gun. He's looking a tiny bit worse for wear also, thankfully there's no burning fur smell. "Thanks Lylla. Knew I could always count on you." Rocket powers the gun down and leans it carefully against a tree as he glances at his suit and groans a bit. And then his attention turns to the others who engaged the Kree Sentry. Rocket tugs off his gloves and tucks them in the belt of his uniform, dusting off the soot. He raises a hand in to Ragman's question.
"That would be me. Thanks for the assist... it was malfunctioning. It's called a Kree Sentry. They're the Rabid Guard Dogs of the Kree Empire. Wouldn't or couldn't uplink to the so-called 'Kree Intelligence'. Still had me listed as a wanted fugitive." He realizes he probably should introduce himself. "I'm Rocket Raccoon. Halfworld Ranger. Guardian of the Keystone Quadrent. Guardian of the Galaxy. Currently On Vacation. And Lord of the Raccooniverse." Ok, he just made that last one up.
Deadpool points at Raccoon. "You're making that last one up. /I'm/ Lord of the Raccooniverse," he declares. "And King of the Furry Woodlands," he adds, belatedly.
Sam skips the introductions because he needs to sit down and collect his scattered thoughts. With nothing left to fight, the urge to set something else--anything else--alight is overwhelming. He takes a minute to swing off his backpack and fumble in it for some water.
The hell is a Kree. Well, whatever, it's gone now. Spider-Girl wanders over to check on Laura, leaning around to peek at her back and wrinkling her nose. "I'll dig you out a fresh shirt when we get back," she promises, giving her a light pat on the arm. She is actually getting used to how fast Laura heals, it's... weird.
Spider-Girl turns towards Rocket and Rags, gesturing at herself. "Friendly neighborhood Spider-Girl. Nice'a meetcha."
Deadpool bangs a fist against his chest. "I'm Deadpool. Mercenary Extraordinare. Card holder at Blockbuster. Coupon Customer Saver at Safeway. Amazon Prime Power Shopper. King of the Woodlands, Lord of Raccooniverse, and I once shook Jay Leno's hand." He comically asides to Rocket. "He's kind of a big deal," he whispers.
Laura... is not always good with social concepts. Such as the concept of 'personal space'. Sue her, she was raised in a lab. This is why Rocket ends up with the girl hunkered down and peering at him at close range, head tilted slightly. She inhales deeply, and then frowns. "You don't smell that much like a raccoon," she says, somewhere between curious and accusatory. Like the least he could do is make more sense to her. To be fair, raccoon's don't usually smell like recycled air, engine fires and plasma gun oil or whatever.
Ragman just blinks some more at all the strange, "Okay yeah this is just way over my head." He looks at the talking Raccoon, "Is that an actual talking animal?" Sure Gotham has Killer Croc, but we don't got actual talking animals! He just decides to go and sit down by a tree, maybe he'll get sent away from the strange crazy people soon. Or maybe not, the rags don't want to send him somewhere else it seems.
Rocket's head rocks back just a bit, as Laura gets up close and far too personal. His nose wriggling just a bit, as he returns the sniffing. A glance is offered to everyone else, though Deadpool earns a bit of an eyeroll and a snort. "I'm an alien..." Rocket offers, as if that explains everything. "And it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere." He tosses a thumb back over his shoulder at his damaged ship. "Don't suppose anyone has a room for rent?" He flashes them all a wide grin. Though a glances is tossed at Deadpool. "Not you. I didn't bring any Super Toys with me for you." Yeah, Rocket recognizes insanity.
Sam digs right down to the bottom of the bag. The emergency pocket. Talking raccoons, weaponized clown-ninjas, robots trying to blow up the world. Hello, bourbon. Come to daddy. ...actually, let's not think daddy thoughts at all.
He takes a drink. Then another one. Then he offers the flask to Ragman. "There is not enough of this in the world, today, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take a run at it."
When Rocket asks about a room for rent, Sam looks over at Anya. ...well. They already have one alien in the house.
I swear to MORT, if anyone here poses in with an offering of a place for RR to stay, I will personally HUNT YOU DOWN IN THE REAL WORLD AND DEFENESTRATE YOU.
Spider-Girl trades looks with Sam and Laura. Yup. "If you can't find a place, we might know one you could use," she nods, turning back towards Rocket. "If my esteemed colleague over here doesn't mind," she adds, gesturing at Sam, "we could give you a lift to the city and chat about it on the way?"
I WARNED YOU SPIDER GIRL! GAME ON!
"Aww, c'mon little buddy! You can stay with me. I've got a perfect little place you can roll a bunk out at- it's warm and cozy and there's a lot of work to be had. You need someone like me! I'll show you the city, teach you how all the local slang, introduce you to the greatest food groups ever- beer, Mcdonald's, and pizza-" He claps his hands together giddily. "And we'll blow things up, like, ALL THE TIME. Look at us- plasma cannons and hyperkinetic weapons and all kinds of fun stuff! I'm the world's leading expert on demolishing suit. All /kids/ of suit. Any kind of suit you wanna blow up? We'll find it and demolish it!" he exclaims. "C'mon! You're new in town, I'm wacky and fun- it's like the Universal Sitcom Rules have thrown us together!"
Laura rocks back on her heels and out of Rocket's face. It's no doubt a relief. The girl has a predatory air around her, even when she's not killing things. "Oh. that makes sense," she decides, then looks up at Anya and Sam. And shrugs. "He seems smart. Has his own guns; won't play with mine. Small." She pauses, grins. "He'd meet Aura. Funny."
Ooooooo Booze! Ragman takes the flash and lifts the mask up just enough to drink, "Thanks, I needed that one. I'm Ragman by the way." Guess he should introduce himself to the like the sane guy at least. After the drink he hands the flask back to Sam, "Thanks once again,"
Rocket pinches the bridge of his nose as Deadpool tries to convince him to join up with him. "I love your enthusiasm, but let's just be friends for now. You know how relationships can go to hell if you rush to the 'Moving In' stage too soon. And then one of us is storming out and going home to mother." Rocket drama-sighs. Clearly he has some idea of what Deadpool might respond to. Or is just as nuts on some other level. He turns his focus back towards the others and offers a smile. "Thanks. Any ideas for transporting the Rack 'N Ruin II? Or should I say, the ruins of the Rack 'N Ruin II?"
"Cannonball. Nice to meet you, Ragman. And no trouble. I'm an EMT, I come prepared," Sam says dryly. "We can give him a ride, yeah," he says to Anya. In for a penny, in for a pound, isn't that how it goes? He gestures at Rocket with the flask. "Whatever communications gear you have, if we can't get it synched with our tech, we'll get you one of ours so you can keep in touch." Space travellers tend to be pretty good at negotiating new territory, but still... "If you need anything, we'll see what we can do about it. We can spare some of what we've got, easy."
"I know a guy," Spider-Girl notes to Rocket, reaching up to turn on the communicator sitting in her ear. |"Hey Zen..? Does your spaceship have a hitch..?"|
Deadpool sighs expressively. "No one wants to hang out with me. But, yeah, let's be friends. If you need any help little buddy, you just let me know," he tells Rocket Raccoon. "I think you'll fit in better with my crew than you'd think." A coherent sentiment from Deadpool? He must really be hurt that Rocket turned him down. Sadface.
"Well nice to meet you." Ragman says to Cannonball, and after that he starts to feel the rags pulling him away. Yay he gets to go back to absorbing the souls of killers now, instead of fighting giant robots with talking Raccoons. But once the rags start to pull him away his body just becomes like a pile of rags and floats away into the wind. See magic is nifty!
Rocket starts to actually kind of feel bad, as Deadpool seems... normal and disappointed. "What the hell..." He shrugs, and punches Deadpool in the thigh as he tosses him a thumbs up. "I could do a lot worse." And hey, at least he has experience dealing with crazies. "My communication gear is already set for Terran. I'm actually something of a fan of your quaint little planet." Rocket opens one of the rear pouches on his belt, and while it would typically likely hold explosives or rations... Rocket pulls out a DVD copy of the movie Beaches. "Ebay. Gotta love it. Though you wouldn't believe how expensive the shipping is to Knowhere."
Deadpool blinks. "Is that near Sumwhere?" he asks the little guy.
"Good. I figured you're pretty resourceful... you travelling kinds," Sam says, laughing at the DVD. "My Ma loves that movie, by the way. Here." He pulls out a card with a number on it. "You know how to Twitter?" He writes @smashbrother, @the_spider_girl on the back of the card. "You can get in touch with us that way." He eyes Deadpool a moment. "You, too."
Rocket facepalms at Deadpool over the 'Somewhere' or 'Sumwhere' joke. "Don't make me regret this..." Rocket slides the DVD away into his rear pouch once again. "Your Mum's got good taste. I'll have to meet her sometime." Won't that be fun for everyone! Rocket takes the card and slips it away, pulling his gloves back on. "I really appreciate the assistance though. Your movies don't show you terrans reacting well to aliens. Not that they paint us in the best light either." He notes with a soft clearing of his throat.
"You, my friend, need to lose yourself in the glory that is Netflix." Deadpool shoulders his weaponry and reaches for his backpack. "C'mon! I'll introduce you to the team. Here. Have some peanut M&Ms." He offers a half-empty bag to Rocket and turns to walk down the mountainside. "You ever had a McRib, little buddy?"
Deadpool looks at Sam's card, then at Sam. "What the hell's a 'Twitter'?"
When civilization crumbles, this will be the point that people reference. Where it all went wrong. "I'll show you." Sam offers Deadpool the flask of bourbon, then pulls out his phone. "You'll love it." He pulls up Twitter and shows Deadpool. "It's like talking to yourself, but everyone's listening. And talking back."
"So it's just like being in my brain. I am so on board with this." Deadpool takes a long hit of the bourbon- really more than most people intend to share when they offer a bottle. "You didn't bring much. You like whiskey?" He reaches to his backpack and fishes around, then produces a full gallon jug of the cheapest, nastiest Canadian whiskey that they'll put in plastic. He unscrews the lid and takes a long, long, ...long slug of it. "Oh my /god/ this is terrible. Here!" he says brightly, offering the bottle to Sam. "Tell me more about this Twitter thing. And what's this... Facebook? Is that a thing?"