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In an exclusive, the Bugle has learned that rumors among the vigilant for years involving Lizard People have actually been a secret plan to infiltrate all elements of the government for years. By forming an alliance with shapeshifting aliens known as the Dominion, mutants plan on lulling us into a false sense of security. (picture of Spiderman. Is Spiderman a mutant?)
Phase 2 of the plan involves injecting human infants with recombinant DNA through vaccines to make them mutant alien slaves. Call your congressman and DEMAND that the MRA be passed immediately!
By the way. In these uncertain times, it is known that mutants are repelled by Gold. The perfect security in uncertain times, you can protect yourself financially and physically by getting genuine American gold coins. Dial 555-5555 today!